Recall
by meglee06
Summary: "Recall /riˈkôl/ (verb); Bring (a fact, event, or situation) back into one's mind, esp. so as to recount it to others; remember." Renji doesn't have much of a choice. It's remember, or die. Rukia is doing her best to make sure it is not the latter. RenRuki.
1. Chapter 1

**Another story, my friends :) **

**This one is going to be going in tandem with an Ichi/Hime story, so I have no idea how much time will be between updates. I assume it will be around two weeks for each? But who knows? If I get an itch to write one and get really super excited, it may be sooner. And it is summer, so hooray for (some) free time!**

**So, real quick, here is the information for this story:**

**Pair: Renji/Rukia (**_**slight **_**Ichigo/Orihime is also possible, though I honestly don't know how much these two will be in it, since they are getting their own story and all. They may not show up at all except in casual mentions.)**

**Rating: T **

**Warnings: Some good ole fashioned angst, drama, suspense, violence and romance**

**Summary: "Recall** **/riˈkôl/ (verb); Bring (a fact, event, or situation) back into one's mind, esp. so as to recount it to others; remember." Renji doesn't have much of a choice. It's remember, or die. Rukia is doing her best to make sure it is not the latter. **

**Disclaimer: I own only the plot and any OCs that make their way into this story. All rights to Bleach go to Tite Kubo and whoever else he shares those rights with.**

**Chapter 1**

The night was warm, a light breeze moving through the air providing the only movement. Rukia had always loved the feeling of a warm July breeze in the human world, the way it lifted her hair slightly and moved the fabric of her Shihakusho around her petite frame. Her trained eyes scanned the area in front of her dutifully, but her mind had already wandered off despite her best attempts to stay focused. It was a quiet night, little to no spiritual activity in Karakura Town. It was easy to get lost in thought on a night like this where nothing substantial was happening.

The noble had found a vantage point at the top of a warehouse, able to take in the entirety of her designated area. As she looked out over the sleepy town, she kicked her feet back and forth from her seat on the ledge, not worried in the slightest at the height of the building or how she was perched on the edge. She had almost gotten lost in the quiet of it all, her mind floating to random thoughts as she lazily watched a cat stalk across the road, low to the ground in its hunt for food. But the sound of static broke through the quiet night air, interrupting the girl's thoughts.

"_Rukia, you there?"_

She rolled her eyes at the question, a chuckle passing her lips. He had lasted longer than she thought he would. It had already been a couple of hours. Renji was usually contacting her within the first twenty minutes, begging for a shred of entertainment to squash his boredom on nights like this. She found her communicator and held the short range button down, activating the speaker to Renji's devise as she spoke.

"If there was a hollow around, you just gave away our positions, Idiot," she teased without any heat in her voice, releasing the button in time to hear the snort from the other end.

"'_If' being the key word. It's freaking dead out here, no pun intended."_

"Well, we should be grateful for the lack of activity," she spoke softly, leaning back on her hands as she looked up at the moon. It was full tonight, which surprised her. Usually a full moon guaranteed hollow activity. "It's better than the place crawling with hollows."

"_But it's so boring,"_ Renji whined, sighing on the other line. _"I'd rather have something to kill than babysit sleeping humans. We are Lieutenants. Not rookies." _The man had always been easily bored, unable to sit in one spot for too long without getting fidgety. Ever since they were kids, he had always been constantly looking for something to do, never able to sit still for long periods of time. It hadn't changed, even as they aged and matured, but Rukia found it to be charming, if not slightly annoying on missions. It was Renji, after all. It was just who he was, and she would never change him.

And he had a point. Most towns were patrolled by small ranked Shinigami. Both Rukia and Renji were well known Lieutenants of the Gotei 13, hardly the usual patrollers. Then again, Karakura Town was not the usual town. It didn't hurt to bulk up the security in this area.

"Speaking of humans, have you heard from Ichigo?" Rukia asked, her mind jumping to the orange-haired boy. Well, he was hardly a boy anymore. He had turned eighteen just last week, preparing to enter college at the university in a neighboring town in August to follow his father into the medical field. When he wasn't gathering books for class and organizing living arrangements with an apartment complex just off campus, he was performing as a Substitute Shinigami, and a pretty damn good one too. He had to be around here somewhere, though she hadn't heard from him since she'd been here.

"_Nah, his end has been quiet since he confirmed he reached his location. He's on the east side, opposite of you."_

Rukia nodded before remembering Renji couldn't see her. "He has got to be kicking rocks by now, too. It's a dull night for patrol." If Renji was fidgety, Ichigo was a bull in a China shop. He was one of the most impatient people she knew. She smirked at the idea of that characteristic scowl that no doubt screwed his features at the moment.

"_Yeah, and if he's like me, he's already run out of rocks."_

Rukia laughed at that, a light sound that filled the calm air around her. "Plenty of rocks on my side," she joked, shaking her head at their conversation. It felt nice to relax a little. Even if they had patrolled this city for months, it seems the unusually high activity that surrounded Karakura Town was finally slowing down. And talking to Renji was never unwelcomed. She cherished these moments of peace with him.

When had he become something more than a childhood friend or brother figure? It seemed almost overnight, though Rukia knew she had just not noticed the gradual change in her heart. She never thought she'd harbor feelings for the redhead, but looking back she could see the signs. She'd never tell him though. He would think her insane, and she would be completely lost if she were to lose his presence in her life. She had lost him once, only regaining him after the War, and she wouldn't jeopardize their friendship again. No, the girl felt she was destined to love from afar, enjoying the little moments between them.

"_So do you want to start it or me?"_ the redhead asked, drawing a smile from the raven-haired woman.

"I'll start it."

"_You always were more negative,"_ he snorted.

"Shut up," she shot back, rolling her eyes but thinking none the less of what she would say. When she made up her mind, she smiled before starting. "Unfortunately, it looks like it's going to rain."

"_Fortunately, I have an umbrella."_

"Unfortunately, it's too windy to hold the umbrella," the girl countered, thinking quickly to anticipate what his next comment would be. Fortunately, Unfortunately was their choice game for moments like these, killing time on long missions. One would state a negative comment and the other would supply a positive spin to the situation. It helped with the boredom, and the answers always got more creative as it went on.

"_Fortunately, I know where a cave is for shelter." _Rukia could practically feel the smile on Renji's face radiate from his voice over the communicator. He loved this game, and she was sure if she could see him, he would be grinning widely.

"Unfortunately, it's miles away."

"_Fortunately, we can shunpo._"

"Unfortunately, my leg is broken."

"_Fortunately, I can carry you,"_ was the quick reply, which Rukia knew would be his go to answer for that scenario. Any statement given in the game where she was a damsel in distress automatically had him supplying himself as her knight in shining armor. Not that she minded. In fact, she kind of enjoyed the thought, though her pride had her scoffing at the idea of being some helpless female waiting for a man to save her. She was a Lieutenant, after all.

As she prepared to counter the words, a shrill scream ripped through the night, stopping her answer in her throat. In a flash, she scanned the area, eyes landing on movement off to the left of the warehouse.

So much for the game. "Did you hear it Renji?"

"_Yeah. You got a visual on it?" _he asked, all playfulness gone in his voice, replaced with alertness and an anticipation for battle that he would never quite be able to shake from his time in the Eleventh Division.

"It's attacking the warehouse where I am currently stationed. The old textiles place."

"_On my way. I'll contact Ichi."_ The connection cut off and Rukia tucked the devise away and took off in the direction of the destructive sounds, the building beneath her shaking with the hollow's rampage. She stumbled briefly before regaining her bearings and running towards the opposite ledge, leaning over the wall to peer down at the hollow.

It sure was ugly. Hollows, on average, were always ugly, but this one wasn't winning any beauty contests anytime soon. The thing was gruesome, snarling and biting at the building. It was a young one, the sleek body resembling some type of primate with a large chest and stout front arms, its back covered with vicious looking quills, probably a defensive feature. Its jaw was obviously its most immediate weapon, if the way the concrete crumbled beneath the jaw's strength was any indication. Rukia didn't know where it had a blind spot, if it had one at all, but she jumped to the building next door as the warehouse groaned. With how it was attacking the wall, the building would probably not stand for much longer.

The sound of fabric rippling behind her caught her attention, and she turned to see Renji landing a few feet away. His eyes found hers and she nodded in greeting before turning her attention back to the beast below.

"Geez, it's an ugly one," came the quiet comment, coming to stand next to the smaller girl. "And stupid," he added, upon seeing it attack the building.

"It probably sensed my energy and through I was inside," Rukia mused, shaking her head.

"Like I said. Pretty stupid," Renji said, squatting at the ledge to get a better look.

"I haven't figured out the best way to attack yet," Rukia said as she continued to watch. Keen eyes looked for any opening, narrowing when she couldn't find a sure thing.

"It has some impressive hardware," Renji responded, "Any idea what's up with the spikes?"

"Probably best we avoid them."

The snort from the redhead was not missed. "Noted."

"Where's Ichigo?" she asked, sneering as the monster on the street below let out another roar. Surely the other man had to be close.

"On his way. May be a few minutes, seeing as he is on the other side of the city," Renji said with a shrug. "We've got a little bit. That warehouse hasn't been used for years. It won't hurt to wait for him to get here."

Rukia nodded, though she didn't like it. This thing was still causing quite a bit of damage to the warehouse, and someone was going to have to stop it soon if they wanted the building to be standing by morning. And something felt off, like she was missing a key detail. She could feel it in the air around her. Something was about to happen.

As if on cue, Renji growled next to her. "Shit…"

Before she could question the remark, the sound of laughter made her blood run cold. Eyes scanned the street, quickly finding the source of the sound. The spirit of a child, barely three blocks away, was making her way down the street, oblivious to the danger close by.

As the noble looked back down at the hollow, she realized that they were not the only ones to notice the spirit. The beast let out a growl before kicking into gear, running down the maze of streets in its search for the meal.

"After it!" Rukia cried, breaking into a shunpo with Renji right behind her.

X

Renji tore after the hollow, keeping an eye on the blur of black in the corner of his vision that let him know Rukia was okay. So much for an uneventful night. It had been quiet before this ugly son of a bitch decided to show up. Whatever. He had been looking forward to a fight, anyway. At least now he wasn't bored.

He wouldn't say so, but he had a bad feeling about this. The hollow was something they haven't seen before. Who knows what it was capable of, what it could do to attack them? And Rukia's proximity to the beast scared him.

He wasn't exactly open with his feelings to the girl, though he had been told by many that he wasn't the best at hiding them either. Nearly all of his friends were aware of the love he held for Rukia, even if the girl didn't know it. And he hated the idea of her getting hurt. She was as stubborn as he was in her inability to resist fighting if it was to protect those around her, and he'd never ask her to back down, but this time…he didn't know what it was about the hollow that made him nervous. But he wanted to be rid of it. Now. Before that feeling of dread he had could be justified in reality.

The hollow had zeroed in on the spirit, who was struggling to remain on her feet with the way the ground shook beneath her from the pounding steps of the beast. She was no longer oblivious, but now she had stopped moving completely, terrified by the hollow heading her way.

His eyes shifted to the noble woman as she skidded to a stop in front of the monster, unsheathing her zanpakuto in one swift motion and serving as a barrier between the small spirit and the hollow. "Renji!" she called, eyes never leaving the beast in front of her.

"I'm on it!"

Renji leapt over the hollow, pulling Zabimaru free as he picked where he wanted to strike. The base of the neck was always a kill shot. A good choice in getting the job done as long as you went deep enough to decapitated the head. He pulled his blade down, a growl escaping him as he swung. The hollow anticipated the swing, putting up an arm in defense and crying out as the blade tore into flesh. Renji flipped out of harm's way, landing in a crouch to the side of the hollow, Zabimaru held to the side of his body in preparation for another swing if he had been pursued.

"Damn. I missed," he hissed, shaking his head. But much to his relief, Rukia had sent the spirit out of harm's way. They would need to find her later and send her to the Soul Society, but it could wait for now. They had bigger concerns.

The two Lieutenants struck out multiple times, landing blow after blow but only in the arms and legs and not deep enough to make a substantial difference. The wounds they did cause healed quickly.

"Does this think have a weakness?" Rukia asked, panting slightly as the beast circled slowly, watching the two Shinigami with careful eyes.

"Doesn't look like it," Renji called back, eyes watching the creature move as his own chest heaved. The one spot that the hollow couldn't watch was its back, and that was covered in quills. He wasn't ready to test those out. But they couldn't do this all night. They had barely worn it down, probably just pissing it off more than anything.

Rukia watched for a moment before her eyes widened slightly. "Renji, the underside. It's completely open. If I could get a solid hit in, it would leave an opening for you to get the kill."

"_If _you could get under it, that is," Renji fired back, shaking his head as he pinned the girl with a look. "It would need a serious distraction. We wait until Kurosaki gets here. Then we try something." The visored should be close. They just needed a few minutes more. And he was not willing to let the girl do something so reckless. He had said they would try something, but he wasn't sold on her strategy.

"We don't have that kind of time," Rukia ground out, giving Renji the mental image of her stomping her foot in frustration.

"Well, we are just going to have to make the time," Renji argued, not liking the tone of her voice. It was the tone she used when she had already made up her mind. It was also the tone she used when she was about to do something stupid. "Ichigo will be here soon."

Rukia let out a huff in anger, shaking her head. She was already setting her feet to run, and Renji could practically feel her preparing to rush the hollow. "Rukia…" he warned, inching towards the girl despite the voice in his head that screamed for him to keep his distance. If they got too close to one another and sacrificed their spacing, they would lose their advantage and make it easy for the hollow to attack them both at the same time.

"Distract it," was the only words she said as she took off around the outside, keeping a safe distance from the hollow as she ran. The beast watched her before deciding that she would be the target. Renji wasn't having that. If this was going to work, he had to get its attention away from her. Otherwise, she'd be killed.

"Hey, hey! Over here ugly!" he roared, rushing towards the beast in quick, choppy steps and with his free hand waving wildly. It worked, the hollow turning with a growl before stepping back towards the redhead. Rukia continued on, keeping her distance for now. He could see the gears turning, her mind trying to figure out the timing.

"That's right, you son of a bitch. Come and get me," Renji continued, antagonizing the hollow. It seemed to be working, the hollow stepping closer and closer, sizing the redhead up.

In a swift movement, Rukia took off towards it, sliding underneath the hollow and slicing upwards. Her blade bit into the underside of the creature, dragging through bone and flesh in a sickening crunch. The hollow screamed in pain, and Rukia continued in her slide, determined to get out from under the hollow and back out in the open. She was too close.

Renji jumped into action, taking his cue to attack. The hollow had reared back in pain, leaving room for a clean shot. But as he drew near, the beast swung out wildly in its panic, striking Rukia hard in the side and sending her flying.

"Rukia!" The redhead's chest clenched as the girl hit the asphalt awkwardly, her body skidding across the ground before she came to a stop. Her zanpakuto slid further down the street, out of the reach of the noble. The hollow's roar deafened the crimson-haired man as he took a hesitant step towards the girl, who at the moment wasn't moving. He eyed the creature, watching as the eyes flicked to Rukia's still form. As if knowing the man's fear, the hollow turned towards the girl and started towards her.

"No!" Renji yelled, taking off towards the noble in an attempt to beat the hollow there. Rukia was finally stirring, much to the relief of Renji, but he still had to get rid of the thing before it could reach her. He was not about to let the hollow kill her. It would have to go through him first.

He planted his feet in front of the dazed woman and set his sights on the hollow that was charging them. It didn't seem to care that he had come to stand between it and Rukia, happy to attack either of the two. And Renji wasn't about to disappoint it if it was looking for a fight.

The hollow lunged forward, jaw open and a snarl filling the air as it attacked. Renji swung, catching the hollow in the shoulder and sending it rolling to the side. It landed a few yards away, a groan escaping the masked face, but Renji couldn't let up, not until it was over.

Rukia coughed behind him, a wet, guttural sound that told him she had coughed up blood. Internal bleeding, from the sound of it, probably the result of some broken ribs. A quick glance confirmed she had indeed regained consciousness, her violet eyes looking up at him in confusion before they hardened with awareness. He turned back to the hollow, shaking his head. "Rukia, stay down."

"I'm fine," she replied weakily, and though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was glaring at him for suggesting such a thing.

"You're injured," he countered, watching as the hollow's head lifted. The thing was tough, he'd give it that. "Stay here," he muttered as he made his way towards the hollow. As he neared, a flash of orange crossed his vision.

_Finally. _Ichigo had arrived to help.

"Couldn't get here a little sooner, Strawberry?" Renji called, a grin crossing his features.

"Can't hold your hand all the time, Red," came the taunt, thought the smirk on his face betrayed the words as a joke. He circled the hollow as it gained its bearings, the scowl returning to his features as Renji mirrored his actions, trapping the beast between them. "Geez, you couldn't handle this small-fry?"

"The freakin' thing has no blind spot," was the reply, the words angry but directed towards the hollow, not Ichigo. Renji eyed the creature, watching as yellow eyes glanced between the two men and Rukia. The hollow was struggling to remain on its feet, its chest heaving. Its stamina wasn't holding up well with the constant attacks and charges. It looked tired, but Renji could almost see the gears turning in its head. It was still dangerous.

"Doesn't look like that will matter now," Ichigo muttered, setting his feet for a swift blow. "It can't counter us both when it is so tired."

The sound of coughing drew Renji's attention, and he turned to the right to see Rukia making it to her feet, albeit wobbly. Blood dripped for the corner of her mouth, and she hastily wiped it away on her sleeve. She was trembling, though Renji could not tell if it was from her frustration or from her undeniable pain.

"Rukia, stop. We can handle it from here." His voice was calm, but held an urgent edge to it, giving away his underlying worry.

"Yeah, me and Pineapple have it under control," Ichigo added. "You just hang tight."

Rukia shot a glare at the two men, but didn't make any sign of complying with their wishes. She took a step towards the others, trying to close the distance between them, but instantly winced as her knee buckled under her weight, folding underneath her at an unnatural angle and coughing seizing her frame once more. That awkward fall had taken more out of her than he had thought. Renji felt his heart sink at the sight. She needed medical attention, and from the looks of it she needed it fast. He shook his head when she looked at him, his eyes shining with anger at her stubbornness and fear for the girl's condition.

"Hey cut it out, idiot! You'll hurt yourself worse!" Ichigo shouted, his eyes flicking nervously between the hollow and the dark-haired woman.

The hollow's glowing eyes found Rukia as she tried to continue her approach, and a wicked growl that sounded suspiciously like a laugh left it. Renji watched the hollow as it moved slowly, turning to face the empty street and exposing its back to the girl. Ichigo watched the beast with confusion, making eye contact with Renji who had come to stop across from him, on the other side of the hollow.

"What the hell are you doing, you stupid hollow?" Ichigo growled, shifting from foot to foot as he tried to guess the creature's intentions.

Renji watched as the hollow disregarded Ichigo to look to Renji with a knowing gaze, the eyes narrowing as a smirk crossed its face. It then looked over its shoulder to Rukia. The girl hadn't moved again, a hand having come to rest against the pavement to hold her body up.

What was it doing? Was it trying to taunt her, make her thing she had an opening? They'd already determined it was better to avoid them, not run head long into them, especially when the stupid thing was watching her. And it wasn't like the girl had the ability to rush it in an attack. And even if the quills were turned towards the girl in a defensive mechanism, Rukia could just change direction. And what was up with the smirk? It was as if it was planning something, as if setting up…

Renji's eyes widened. _Projectiles._ The quills could be projected at a given target, and right now that target was Rukia.

"Rukia! Get out of there!"

Rukia looked up, confusion on her face as Renji took off towards her, gritting his teeth as he pushed his legs to move faster. She brought her gaze up to the hollow, watching as the beast shook, the quills shuddering threateningly. Violet eyes widened in recognition, and she groaned, scrambling to get her feet under her. She pushed off of her arm, trying to stand but failing as her injured body refused to listen to her commands. She gave out a small yelp as she fell to the pavement, eyes wide as she gripped her leg tightly. She cursed under her breath, shaking her head.

"Ichigo, kill that son of a bitch and kill it now!" Renji roared, never breaking stride. The visored cursed under his breath, but jumped into action, rushing the beast with a roar of his own.

The hollow laughed as it dodged Ichigo's attack, throwing its head to knock the visored aside. Renji heard the groan as Ichigo hit the ground, the crunch of plastic that accompanied the fall serving as a signal that the substitute Shinigami's communicator had been broken, but his eyes were focused on the noble.

Rukia was scooting away from the hollow, pained noises escaping her as she moved. Renji knew she wasn't fast enough in her current condition. She wouldn't be able to get out of the way in time at this rate, and the thought of those quills piercing her petite frame shook the redhead to the core, spurring him on. A loud popping sound filled the air, and the quills were released, flying like missiles towards Rukia, launched in a high arch to land directly atop the girl.

"No!" Renji yelled, his voice hoarse in its intensity.

With a cry, Rukia lifted her arms, crossing above her in defense. A yell was torn from Renji's throat, eyes closing in anguish as he lept towards the girl. He had to protect her. He'd never forgive himself if she died. She couldn't die. Not here. Not now. Not when he could do something to stop it from happening.

Grabbing a hold of her waist, he pulled her up and nearly threw her to the side as he scrambled to get them out of the way. He kept his body above her as the quills began to fall, striking the pavement with enough force to crack the asphalt. He managed to dodge most of the projectiles, but underestimated the width of their target area. A yell was ripped from his throat as a handful of the quills met their mark, piecing the skin of his back.

There was so much pain.

His arms trembled with the effort to keep from falling onto the small girl, a breath sucked in through his teeth as a groan left his body. Every small movement sent his body into spasms, and at the puncture points fire bloomed just underneath the skin. It was as if lava had been poured into his veins, burning him alive on the inside.

_Damn_._ Poison._

He gritted his teeth from the pain, forcing his eyes to open. His vision was blurred, distorted from the pain and the chemical that had invaded his body as it went in and out of focus, but he could just make out the girl beneath him.

_Rukia._

She was safe. A quick inventory of her body showed that he had saved her from further injury, the hollow's attack failing to destroy her as it was intended to do. With a relieved smile, he found her eyes. Those violet eyes that he loved so much stared in horror up at him, wide and alert, and guilt for causing that look bloomed in his heart, but at least they were still as alive and animated as ever. She was alive. That was good enough to justify his actions.

Her voice, broken in its delivery, filled the silence between them. "Renji?"

The small grin that crossed his face couldn't have been stopped if he tried. He opened his mouth to speak, but his words choked him and he groaned instead. A sharp pain exploded behind his eyes, the edges of his sight starting to fizzle into black. Terror gripped him as he struggled to stay awake, knowing if he fell unconscious he may not recover. He had to stay conscious.

But the darkness was so inviting. It offered an escape from the pain, and in his battle-beaten state it was becoming more and more difficult to refuse its calming depths. His eyes slid closed, fire invading his mind one last time as he succumbed to the darkness, vaguely aware of the feeling of his arms giving away as he collapsed.

X

Violet eyes widened as she watched her childhood friend's face contort in pain before falling to in a heap, his head landing with a soft thud on her stomach. His breath came in shallow spurts as his lungs frantically tried to drag in the air his body desperately needed. The strong, coppery smell of blood flooded her nose, and the taste of her own blood in her mouth made her stomach turn. They were surrounded by quills, cracking the pavement from their force and standing at odd angles like some sick, evil forest around them. But what disturbed her most were the three or four quills that protruded from the redhead's back, quivering with every breath he took.

A whimper left her, pained and full of horror. "Renji…"

In a rush, she pulled herself out from underneath the man's weight, being sure to cradle his head to assure it didn't hit the pavement and cause any further damage. Her body protested the move, pain shooting up her leg and side, but she wasn't thinking about that. She was more focused on the man who laid unconscious in front of her.

"Damn it!" Ichigo roared, cutting through the quills that surrounded them with Zangetsu before skidding to stop at Renji's side, a hand ghosting over the man's back as he observed the injuries. Trembling fingers swiped across his brow, furiously trying to keep blood from his eyes as it oozed from a shallow gash above his eyebrow. He must have been injured when he was thrown off by the hollow. The thought of the monster snapped Rukia's head up.

"The hollow," Rukia croaked, looking up sharply. The street was empty, no sign of the beast anywhere. Ichigo scowled as he shook his head, frustration presenting as a growl in his throat.

"It got away."

Turning her attention back to Renji, she gently touched his shoulder, pulling her hand back at the heat that burned under her fingertips. He was feverish, and it scared her how fast his temperature had risen. Her mind supplied an explanation, having been drilled with different signs and symptoms in her academy training, and with dread she realized the tips of the quills had been tipped with venom.

"There's poison," she whined, a hand covering her mouth. She reached to grab the closest quill, determined to dislodge the deadly weapon from Renji's skin, but a firm hand stopped her.

"Don't," Ichigo warned, eyes hard as they watched her. "It could cause more damage, and he'll bleed out faster if we remove them, not to mention you could poison yourself as well." His voice had taken on a professional, calm edge, one that sounded so much like Isshin in work-mode that Rukia barely recognized it to be Ichigo. He reached for his communicator, only to find it a mangled mess of plastic. "Son of a bitch," he hissed, shaking his head. "Rukia, call the others."

But Rukia wasn't really hearing him. Her ears were ringing with the sound of Renji's voice crying out in pain. She sat back, her breath hitching in her throat as she started to hyperventilate. Trembling hands came up to grab her head as she rocked slightly, eyes staring yet seeing nothing. Nothing but a repeated vision of Renji catching the quills in the back before going still, lifeless. Nothing but glazed eyes looking down at her before closing. The though made her sick, her stomach churning violently as her head spun.

A hand came to grab her shoulder roughly, shaking her out of her stupor. Her eyes found Ichigo's face, but she was having trouble hearing him over the pounding of her heart. He was yelling, his face twisted in panic. In a rush, sound returned, Ichigo's voice echoing off of the buildings surrounding them on the empty street.

"Rukia, snap out of it! Call the others for help!" He was on the verge of losing it himself, torn between getting Renji help and calming her down, and the desperation in his eyes told her that he was just as upset as she was. She couldn't remember seeing him this distraught since the war, and his eyes pleaded with her to listen. But she still couldn't make herself respond.

With a sound of frustration, something between a roar and a curse, Ichigo reached for the noble's own communicator, almost ripping it off of her as she remained still, shivering in the warm night air for reasons she couldn't pinpoint. He quickly hit the connect button, not meeting Rukia's gaze but focusing on the injured redhead.

When the Communication Center picked up, he wasted no time in getting his message out. "We need a medical team, and fast. Renji Abarai is down."

Funny. The warm breeze that had accompanied the night was suddenly freezing.

**Wooo! Quite a lot going on in this chapter, at least in terms of jumping right into some action. I'm excited about this one, y'all. It will probably be shorter than the Shadows Surround Us. I think at the moment it is reaching something close to thirteen chapters, give or take, but I still think it will be a good one. **

**Hope you all enjoyed it. Reviews are always welcome :) (but please, no flames. My poor heart can't take it.)**

**Much love,**

**Meg**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the next chapter! My apologies for the delay. Between a mission trip and computer problems, not much time has been available for me to write.**

**I'm very happy to have received feedback on this, so to all of you who added this to a favorite/alert or reviewed, thank you very, very much! I will try to reply to all of you, but if I missed you, I promise I will catch you on the next round. But let's get on with it, shall we? Can't very well, leave y'all with that cliffhanger from the last chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: You know it well. I own jack-squat. **

**Chapter 2**

Rukia's feet had long been tired. It was evident by the way she wobbled unsteadily with every turn, the tissue on the balls of her feet sore and protesting with every step. Yet she still paced the length of the room, a hand lifting to sweep her hair out of her face. It's been too long. How much more time would pass before they would be allowed to see him?

Violet eyes shifted to the land on the door leading to Renji's room, narrowing when the wooden barrier remained closed under her scrutiny. It had been like this for a full day now, closed tightly with only healers allowed to come in and out, and it was making the noble more anxious with every passing second.

She didn't understand. Her own injuries had been healed within an hour's time, leaving nothing but minimal soreness in her muscles. She had had quite a number of injuries; four broken ribs, massive internal bleeding, and a slight concussion. All had been healed and restored to former health within the span of sixty minutes. Unohana and her team were experts of rapid recoveries, a skill developed from centuries of battles. They had to be fast; otherwise their numbers would be easily overwhelmed in an attack. But they seemed to be taking their sweet time with Renji, and it worried Rukia to no end. What would take this long to heal? Had they run into complications? Unohana had excused herself from the room a few minutes ago to attend to some other patients, the first time they had really seen the woman since she disappeared behind the door, but still they were not allowed access. Rukia was at the end of her sanity, her patience crumbling with every passing second.

"Rukia, pacing will accomplish nothing."

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she continued her steps as she spared her brother a glance. Byakuya had been there since they arrived, having felt the distress of his sister's reiatsu upon their arrival. At the moment he sat stoically in a chair against the wall, eyes closed and a calm expression on his face. Though she could not see the grey eyes of her brother, she felt his gaze as if he was staring openly in her direction. It was an uncanny trick of the Kuchiki Captain, to make someone feel his eyes upon them even if he wasn't looking. Rukia imagined that it helped cut down on the horse-play amongst the younger recruits of the Sixth Division, but he wasn't going to intimidate her into sitting anytime soon.

"They should be finished by now," she muttered, knowing that even with the hushed tone her brother would hear her clearly.

"Patience."

Rukia almost growled in frustration. "Patience," she echoed with a sneer, shaking her head as her eyes once again landed on the door, willing it to open. "How can I have patience when there are no results? I've tried to be patient, but they are taking far too long."

"They will be finished when they are finished," came the reply, and this time Rukia did not try to hide the eye roll. He'd know she was annoyed even if she did try to hide it, so what was the point? Always the more level-headed of the two, Byakuya could sit there all he wanted without a worry in the world, spouting pretty words about patience and faith in the healers. Rukia was the polar opposite it seemed when it came to worry. That or Byakuya was simply better at hiding his anxiety.

After another moment of silence, he cleared his throat. "Rukia, sit down." It seems he had reached the end of his rope with her disobeying his wishes. The tone was much more firm, more like a parent speaking to a whiny child. The dark-haired girl stopped her pacing, but made no move to take the seat next to her brother. His eyes opened, pinning her with a hard stare. She knew it was a challenge, practically daring her to defy him, but she stubbornly held her ground.

"Nii-sama, I do not want –"

"You are still recovering yourself," he cut in, his eyes narrowing at her protests. "Sit."

The assurance that her wounds had healed just fine died on her tongue with the hard look he gave her, and with a heavy sigh the girl took a seat. But she wasn't happy about it, and she made it known as she crossed her arms and refused to meet her brother's gaze, leaning her head back to rest on the wall as she watched Renji's door. She didn't care if she was acting like a child. She was too upset to really care what people thought of her behavior.

"Where is Ichigo?" Rukia asked, trying to distract herself. She was close to resuming her restless pacing and if she didn't get her mind elsewhere she was going to start again whether her brother liked it or not. She was curious as to where Ichigo had gone. The visored had been taken back for treatment at the same time Rukia had, and "taken" was meant quite literally. They had dragged the boy back to an examination room as he practically kicked and screamed against their holds, insisting that he was not as injured and that it was a waste of time. She had yet to see him since.

"He is at the Twelfth Division," Byakuya answered with a bored tone. "Kurotsuchi-Taichou requested his presence to collect information on the hollow that escaped."

Rukia inwardly shuddered. She was glad that the visored had been called there instead of her. Mayuri made her feel uneasy, and though she felt slightly out of the loop by not being asked to accompany Ichigo, she did not envy him for being called to the Research Department. She never went there if she could help it. Who knew what experiments went on within those walls? No doubt Mayuri would ask Ichigo, _again_, if he could conduct his tests on him, all for research of course. Hopefully Ichigo's answer of "no" would remain the same.

"Rukia," Byakuya continued, his eyes shifting to find hers briefly before they closed once more. "I have yet to hear the details of the battle. Would you be so kind as to inform me of what happened?"

The girl's heart dropped, the familiar tug of guilt making itself present. She had feared her brother would ask her what happened, and she honestly didn't know what to tell him. The truth, obviously, because even in her current emotional state she knew that he would know the difference if she tried to sell him a lie, but she knew he would be disappointed in her.

"It's a little fuzzy," she started, her mind pulling what little memories she had surrounding the event to the forefront. The concussion she sustained had placed a cloud over everything, a layer of muddled thoughts that had no other purpose but to make it harder to concentrate, but she could remember enough to condemn herself for her actions. With a sigh, she recounted the events. As she came to the part where she regained consciousness, her voice grew soft.

"I was injured, and Renji and Ichigo were fighting the thing. I…I couldn't just sit by, but I was having trouble standing. I distracted the others, and made myself an easy target for the hollow's attack. Renji…he was closest when the hollow's projectiles were released, and then suddenly he was over me, shielding me." She broke off there, a lump forming in her throat.

"You put them in danger," Byakuya started, his voice holding a note of disappointment. She hated that note. It was never one she wanted to hear from her brother.

"I know," she said softly, dropping her gaze.

She had disobeyed the order of a fellow officer because of her stupid pride and it had ended horribly. Renji had told her to stay down. Hell, so had Ichigo. Multiple times actually. But she had stubbornly gotten up, practically flaunting herself as the weakest of the group. The hollow was smarter than it looked. It had seen her struggle and done what any strategically sound predator would have done. Attack the weakest link. And to top it all off, it had gotten away before they could properly dispose of it. She prepared for the scolding that she was sure would come.

Much to her relief, his lecture would have to wait.

The sound of the door sliding open cut through the tension, and Rukia stood at once, eyes focused on the only thing stand between her and Renji. Isane appeared, a tired look on her face as she bowed in greeting. Rukia bowed back, catching Byakuya's nod of acknowledgment from the corner of her eye.

"How is he?" Rukia asked, the urgency she felt overriding her manners. She knew she should have waited for the other woman to speak, but she couldn't stop the question from leaving her lips.

"Abarai-san has regained consciousness," Isane said slowly, her eyes meeting Rukia's with all the professionalism in the world, though there was something there that told her Renji was not in the clear just yet, "but he is in no condition to receive visitors at this time. Unohana-Taichou has requested to speak with –"

She didn't get to finish as Rukia pushed passed her, nearly shoving the tall woman into the doorframe as she passed. Isane was cut off guard by the smaller woman's action, and did not recover in time to block her path. She vaguely heard the voice of her brother ordering her to stop, but she didn't look back as she made it through the door and came face to face the man she had been waiting to see.

Renji groaned softly as he pulled himself up into a seated position, the light blue blanket pooling around his waist as he winced slightly from the strain the motion put on his stiff muscles. His chest had been left bare, the jagged black tattoos that were practically his calling card left exposed, and his hair tumbled over his shoulders. He seemed groggy, no doubt just recently waking up. But even in his current state of disarray, Rukia found herself thinking that seeing him awake and moving was quite possibly the most pleasing image she had ever seen. Rukia's heart swelled as his eyes found her, her lungs releasing a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Renji was okay.

"You're awake!" she cried in glee, her voice light and happy as she nearly bounced towards the man, intending to engulf him in a fierce hug.

That's when she realized something was wrong.

Renji had shifted on instinct, pulling himself further away from her as she moved. His grip tightened on the blanket, knuckles white from the tension as one hand came up defensively, hand outstretched as if intending to stop the girl from reaching him. Immediately she came to a halt, eyes trained on his face as she took in his expression. It was a look of surprise, his inked eyebrows shooting up to rest high upon his forehead. Had she startled him? His hand dropped back down to his side after a moment, but he was far from relaxed. She could see his muscles tensing underneath tanned skin, and though his face fell into a more neutral expression, his eyes watched her with sharp alertness.

She frowned as she tried to decipher the situation. "Renji? What's wrong?" Surely he wasn't mad at her for what had happened. Looking at him now, she could see no anger in his face, but now her gazed picked up something else.

She hadn't noticed it before, but his eyes…they were full of hesitation, and something else. Fear? Confusion? Before she could name it, the flicker of emotion had disappeared within the brown hue once more. He wasn't showing any outward hostility towards her, and she couldn't be sure of what she had seen within his eyes, but it was enough to have her refraining from taking another step closer.

Isane gently gripped her arm, trying to steer her away from the redhead in front of her. "Please, Kuchiki-san, we will speak in Unohana-Taichou's office. He needs his rest," Isane insisted in a hushed tone. Isane sent Renji a small, apologetic smile. A smile reserved for strangers. But this wasn't a stranger. This was _Renji_.

Rukia ignored the medic, pulling out of the silver-haired woman's grip easily enough and turning towards the man watching them from the bed. He was still watching her closely, as if trying to solve a complicated math problem. She spoke once more, keeping her voice soft as not to reveal the slight tremor it now held. "Renji, what's going on?"

"You know me?" he asked quietly, his face scrunching in confusion as he ignored her question.

"Are you crazy?" Rukia asked incredulously, practically scoffing in her disbelief as she spoke over Isane who continued to plead with her to leave. "Of course I know you! Renji, it's me. Rukia. How could I not know you?" When he showed no signs of recognition, she continued, urgency in her tone. "We grew up together. You're one of my best friends. Don't you know me?"

As he shook his head, she felt her breath catch in her throat. This was a joke. A very, _very _bad joke. Any minute now, Renji would break into a fit of laughter and drop the act. Isane must be in on it too. Rukia laughed a little to herself to show that the gig was up, but the sound died off when Renji did nothing but stare.

How was this possible? This was Renji. The same tattoos marked his tanned skin. The same fierce, crimson hair covered his head. The same warm eyes stared up at her, though now with a look she didn't readily recognize as her childhood friend. It was him in every sense of appearance, so why was he acting this way? Why was he acting as if she was just another person?

"Why does he not know me?" Rukia asked, finding Isane's eyes as her panic began to consume her. Her breaths came in short spurts, erratic and barely enough to draw in the oxygen she needed. Isane noticed the change in breathing immediately and went to support the girl by the arm.

"Kuchiki-san, please. Let us continue this outside. Unohana will explain." Isane's words cut through the silence that had fallen over the room. Renji's eyes flicking to the healer briefly before returning to the dark-haired girl in front of him. His gaze was curious, but still cautious of her, and Rukia was struck with the thought that she would have preferred he was mad at her. She could handle an enraged, ranting redhead. But not this. Having him treat her as if she was someone he had never met hurt ten times worse than any insult he could have thrown at her.

Rukia allowed herself to be pulled outside, her eyes not leaving the redhead until the door hid him from sight.

X

Ichigo sat quietly in the corner of the office, arms crossed over his chest. Well, "quietly" was hardly the right word to describe him at the moment. A more accurate word would be "fidgety", or perhaps "impatient", as his gaze constantly switched back and forth between Retsu Unohana and Rukia. The Fourth's Captain had yet to begin speaking, reading over the notes Isane had just handed her and taking in every detail written there. She was the picture of calm with little to no emotion left on display, other than the dutiful look of a professional. But having grown up around the clinic and having learned the different kinds of faces his father wore while speaking to a patient's friends or family, he knew instinctively what she was about to say even before the words left her mouth. Or at least, he knew the general tone of which it would be spoken in, and it wasn't going to be good. But she was taking too damn long to tell them what it was. The sooner she told them, the sooner they could fix the problem.

Ichigo had other things to distract him however, mainly Rukia. She sat with her face blank, eyes staring straight ahead at the wall in front of her. The only sign of emotion was the sorrow and confusion that swam within her eyes. It was a look that told her she had retreated into the back of her mind, searching for a reason this was happening, a clue as to what had happened to their friend, or any other information that would help her understand whatever she was grappling with inside of that head of hers. Ichigo didn't like that look on her. It felt wrong.

Byakuya sat beside her, sipping the tea that had been provided once they had been ushered into this room. The only thing that gave away his own worry was the slight tremor in his hand as he raised his cup to his lips.

He had come in from the Twelfth just as Rukia was being escorted from the room in which Renji rested. She wasn't putting up much of a fight and immediately he had known something was off. Rukia had been just standing there, staring at the door in disbelief. She had looked up when he called her name, but instead of greeting the visored she had remained silent, averting her gaze as he neared. He had looked to Byakuya then, who seemed to be struggling with his own thoughts as he led the girl down the hall, following behind Isane silently. Somehow he didn't think Byakuya knew what was going on, a first for the noble who always seemed to be one step ahead. Pushing aside the dread that had formed in the pit of his stomach, Ichigo had fallen in line behind them, knowing that this was not a time to talk but a time to listen.

But at the moment, he had suffered the silence long enough. If the Fourth Captain didn't start talking soon, he knew he would explode. He had held back for Rukia's sake, but he had reached the point of not giving two shits about anything other than what was wrong with Renji. Isane seemed to notice the growing frustration in the visored, as she kept throwing him sideways glances, trying to gage his mental state.

Just as Ichigo opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on, Unohana lifted her gaze and cleared her throat. It wasn't necessary to gain their attention. She had held their attention since they had entered the room.

"I thank you all for meeting with me here. I'd rather speak to you about Abarai-Fukutaichou's condition in private than out in the halls and waiting rooms." Unohana started, meeting each and every one of her guest's gaze. Red flags went up in Ichigo's mind at her words, and his frown deepened. It wasn't uncommon to take patients' visitors aside to talk. In fact, it was an unspoken rule to do so, if only to not ostracize those who received bad news from those who had nothing to worry about. But to voice the importance of privacy was another matter entirely. Voicing it meant there was a very serious reason for the privacy, and that was never a good sign.

"What's the verdict?" Ichigo asked when she paused for too long. Honestly, he had had just about enough of the waiting game. Isane shot him an incredulous look, but Unohana mostly ignored him, continuing at her own pace.

"As you have probably guessed, we have come across complications in Abarai-san's healing," the woman continued, eyes closing briefly as if to draw on some inner strength to speak. "The poison from the quills has taken its toll on his body, though it appears it is not meant to be fatal to its target." She paused at that, considering her next words before adding, "At least, not at first."

Rukia looked up at that, watching Unohana as if she was about to disclose the secrets to the universe. A hunger for information was evident on her face, and Ichigo was thankful for the flash of life in her features, a much better expression than the blank mask she had been wearing when he arrived. But Isane shifted nervously off to the side, a movement Ichigo didn't miss. There was something else, a catch of some kind.

"The poison does not directly attack the puncture site upon entering the body, but moves rapidly through the blood stream to attack the victim's brain functions, particularly the medial temporal lobe and the surrounding tissue," Retsu continued, looking up to meet the gaze of Isane before her eyes drifted to Ichigo, a knowing look passing between them.

He held her gaze, his eyes widening in surprise as he took in her words. "Are you sure?" he questioned, watching as Unohana only nodded in return. He knew what damage to that area would do to the redhead, and a soft curse left his lips as he drug a hand through his hair roughly.

"What does that mean?" Rukia asked sharply, frustration dripping from her words when neither gave an immediate explanation.

"Retrograde amnesia," Unohana replied, but that did little to help Rukia whose brow scrunched in confusion.

"What?"

"Memory loss," Ichigo answered, his eyes burning a hole into the ground. "More accurately, his memories thus far. Anything from here on out he will remember, but everything before he woke up is wiped clean." His looked up to meet Rukia's gaze but wished he hadn't as he watched her face fall. He could see the connections being made in her mind, and he knew she must have seen the effects of the poison on the redhead just before he had arrived back at the Fourth.

"All of his memories are gone?" Rukia asked softly, the words breaking as they crossed her lips.

"The poison's main goal is to render the victim helpless, vulnerable." Unohana explained as all eyes turned back to the healer. "Without orientation, and most likely falling unconscious at first from the onset of pain and venom, as we say with Abarai-san, the victim would be an easy target for the hollow. But even if the victim got away, there would be more to overcome."

Unohana turned to Rukia and Byakuya, her braid swaying ever so slightly from the movement. "If my data is correct, the poison becomes less biased over time, meaning it will begin to break down not just the part of the brain dealing with memory, but the rest of the mind as well. Motor functions, balance, coordination, and things the body does without even consciously registering it, such as respiration, though the unconscious functions will be the last to be affected. The victim will slip into a coma before things like breathing become an immediate issue."

Her eyes closed once more as she tried to carefully word her next statement. "It will be a very painful process if it begins to affect other areas, and if left untreated it will end in the death of the victim. The venom's is to make sure the victim remains a target even if they are strong enough to escape at first. It is a rather advanced chemical substance, one that is a very effective weapon."

Ichigo's heart dropped at the words, his breath quickening. He hadn't expected the secondary effect of the poison, but now Renji's situation was even more pressing. "But you can fix it, right?" he asked quickly, straightening in his spot. "I mean, you have something to counteract the venom?"

It was obvious by the way she didn't meet his gaze that there was not a cure for it at the moment. Even with all of his knowledge of the medical field and the way to give such devastating news, it still freaking hurt to hear it, especially with Renji's life being at risk. He could feel the growing ache in his chest, burning in its intensity.

"How long?" Byakuya's cool voice broke the air. He showed no emotions outwardly, having known for a very long time how to stay composed, but his grip tightened on the teacup in his hands, his knuckles white with the pressure. His eyes were trained on the woman in front of him, and Ichigo could see the tension in his jaw. There was no need for any more words for him to get the significance of his question across, though the unspoken words echoed in Ichigo's mind.

_How long will it take for the poison to kill Renji?_

"One week, at the most," Unohana replied softly, and Ichigo felt as if he had been punched in the gut, his body going cold at the words.

"Is there not anything we can do?" Rukia's voice shook, and Ichigo closed his eyes to hold back his own emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He wanted to scream and yell and break whatever he could get his hands on. He wanted to go on patrol just so he could kill _something_ and distract his mind from the pain he felt, if only for a little while.

"Is there not anything that can help him?" Rukia continued with a note of hysteria in her voice.

"I do not know much about the chemical makeup of this poison, but seeing as our time is limited, we will have to take some risks," Unohana spoke again, watching Rukia closely. Ichigo looked up at the Fourth's Captain, knowing if there was anything he could do, he would do it, risks be damned. "I believe triggering his memory will not only give him some relief, but may help him fight this thing."

"He can regain what has been lost?" Byakuya asked, his chin lifting ever so slightly.

"I believe so. I do not think it will reverse the poison completely, but it may buy us some time to come up with an antidote. But as I said, nothing is certain."

Unohana turned towards Ichigo then, her eyes shining with determination. "At the moment, I am limited in what I can do to combat this venom, and there is little we can use from Renji's blood tests. Though the hollow's escape is not favorable, it may end up helping us in the long run. If the hollow can be found, a larger sample could be taken from the quills before it is killed and used to create a serum to fight the remaining poison in Abarai-san's body. It is the best chance we've got."

"I'll bring you a sample as soon as I find the ugly bastard," Ichigo promised, giving her a nod. He was glad to have a task, something he could focus on. It calmed him somewhat, but he could feel the anxiety waiting just underneath the calm. He would have to hurry. He would leave now and hope the hollow was stupid enough to hang around Karakura Town.

"You will proceed with extreme caution," Unohana continued with her own nod. "If you need a team, we can provide one."

"I'm sure Ishida and Chad have been itching for a fight," Ichigo said with a smirk, though there was no amusement behind the action. He hadn't spoken to the others in over a month, but it would take very little for them to fall back into their old routine. And he could always ask old Hat and Clogs to help, though he figured it would be best if he left that part out. Urahara still had some bad blood with the Soul Society, though the War had smoothed out some of that tension. No one other than Mayuri was openly hostile towards the man, but he felt it was best to not mention the shop owner.

"Can I see Renji before I leave?" Ichigo asked, directing his question to Unohana. When the Captain looked ready to refuse, he added quickly, "It can't hurt. It might even spur some memories."

After a moment of consideration, she sighed, though her voice was firm when she spoke. "You may, as long as you are very careful. Do not under any circumstances mention any sort of time limit to him. He is already disoriented enough without knowing that he is running against the clock. As you can imagine, this is a very stressful and overwhelming situation and Abarai-san is no doubt feeling very vulnerable and confused."

Her eyes found the rest of the room's occupants before adding, "You may visit one at a time, but only for a few minutes each. When he is better rested, the visits can be extended, and we can begin with trying to stimulate his memories."

"Abarai is resilient. I am sure he will recover quickly and prove that our worries are for naught," Byakuya said quietly, his gaze flicking to Rukia briefly as if his statement was meant to reassure her. Rukia did her best to nod, but the determination Ichigo wished to see in her eyes was muted, clouded with her other emotions.

Unohana turned to Isane, handing her the folder for Renji's treatment. "Take this to the poison control department. If we can't get a hold on this substance, we may require some assistance from the Twelfth."

Isane nodded, and Unohana gave them both a nod, signaling their dismissal.

Ichigo barely waited for Isane to exit in front of him before tearing out of the room. As he left, he could feel Rukia's eyes on him. She would follow him, no doubt, but she seemed hesitant to rush off to see Renji again, not that he blamed her. He could only imagine what she was going through, but if it felt anything like what he was feeling, it wasn't pleasant. He suspected her suffering was different, however, considering the nature of her and Renji's relationship.

Ichigo was not stupid, though he readily admitted he worked at a much slower pace than most when it came to deciphering the relationships of others. In his mind, those things were not always the most obvious feelings. Anger, he got. Sorrow and fear, sure. Those were easy enough. Happiness was even easier. But romantic feelings were tricky. They weren't as transparent, and therefore he didn't always pick up on them. Ask Orihime how long it took for him to notice his feelings for her and to ask her out. She'd tell you, in the nicest way possible, that he was shit at recognizing _those_ emotions. But he knew Rukia had feelings for Renji, whether she was ready to admit it or not, though he didn't understand her hesitation. After all, Pineapple had already confided in Ichigo about his own feelings for the girl.

Well, really the redhead had practically gushed like a preteen girl about it one night after drinking more sake than he could handle. Though the redhead had been mortified the next day – it was a wonder he even remembered it after the amount of alcohol he consumed – in a weird way it had served as a bonding experience. It had started a different stage of their friendship, one of brothers that could share stuff with one another when the need arose. Neither of them was big on talking about feelings, but that didn't matter. They had the means to do so if they needed it, and that was enough.

Renji had made him swear to secrecy and Ichigo had been true to his word. He had never told anyone, not even Orihime, though he figured as intuitive as the girl was she already knew. She was always good at reading another person's emotions, even those that were hidden from others. But he had known Renji held a special place in Rukia's heart for a long time, even if he couldn't put a name to those feelings until much later.

Rukia was one of his closest friends, a sister in everything but blood, and Ichigo knew she was beside herself with the situation that Renji had been put in. To lose your loved one, in such a horrible way as this, would tear anyone apart. It was gut-wrenching to watch, and he could practically feel Rukia's emotions threatening to drown her.

He looked back when he heard the sound of the door closing behind him, meeting Rukia's eyes. As expected, she had followed. He paused in his walk, watching as she approached with small, uncertain steps.

"How long will you stay?" she questioned softly.

"Not long," Ichigo replied, his hand smoothing over orange spikes only to have them remain as untamed as ever. "Maybe five minutes. I plan on getting back home pretty quickly so I can get a hold of the others before the patrol."

"I'm coming with you," she stated calmly, her fists clenching at her sides. It was the first sign of that familiar fire he was used to seeing out of her. She was probably itching to do something, wanting to have a task to do to distract her from the pain of seeing Renji in this state. Though he was happy to see she had found some fight, he knew it wouldn't affect his answer to her statement.

"No."

She looked up sharply, a small frown on her face as she scrutinized him. It took her a moment to respond, whether out of shock or anger, but she quickly gathered her composure. "What are you talking about? Of course I am."

"I said no," Ichigo repeated, shaking his head firmly. "You have to stay here."

"How can you say that to me. You think I'd just stay behind when I can help you find that thing?" Rukia spat, her stance widening defensively. He knew she would not like his answer, but she wasn't going to win this one.

"Idiot. Did you not hear Unohana in there?" Ichigo barked out, his own shoulders squaring as he spoke. His voice had risen in volume, but there was no heat to his words, only authority. "She said we were going to try and help Renji remember who he is. Who knows him better than you do?"

When she hesitated, he continued. "Exactly. That would be you, Rukia. He has no clue who he is, and when that treatment starts he is going to need someone there who knows his life, who can tell him about his background and try to get him to remember it. Even if we are close, I can't be that person for him, and we damn well know Byakuya doesn't know him nearly as well as you do. You are the best chance he has right now."

Her eyed widened at his words, her stance faltering ever so slightly and she fell silent. He watched as the uncertainty flashed across her face, and he saw how truly scared she was. Ichigo knew she wanted to fight, but he was sure that her place was here.

She looked down once more, her body releasing the tension it had held to leave her deflated. She looked tired, emotionally and physically drained. He placed a steady hand on her shoulder, an attempt at comforting her. "Pineapple is tough. He'll beat this." He smiled, one he knew was too weak to do much good, but it was all he could muster at the moment.

"Thank you, Ichigo," she said as she looked up. She returned the smile, albeit small. She was trying to be strong, and that was all he would ask of her. She needed that strength. Renji needed that strength. "Do me a favor and kill that hollow for me, once you get the venom."

Ichigo chuckled a little at the request, nodding. "I'll make sure it's a slow and painful death."

She walked by his side, Ichigo stealing glances at his friend periodically. Rukia had always been tough, ever since he had met the girl. She wouldn't hesitate to kick his ass if he so much as suggested she was weak in any sense of the word, but at the moment she looked defeated. For her to be so shaken was a difficult thing for him to accept. Though she seemed to have pulled herself together a little now, it wasn't enough for him. He never wanted to see that broken look on her face again, and he'd be damned if he wouldn't find that hollow and try to fix this mess that their friend had fallen into.

He didn't know what to expect as he walked to visit his friend, but he knew one thing. It wasn't going to be the Renji he knew. That alone was enough to have him ready to get the venom and bring back the Renji they had lost. He just hoped time was on their side.

**I will do my best to update sooner rather than later. Feedback, as always, is greatly appreciated.**

**Much love,**

**Meg**


	3. Chapter 3

**FINALLY, an update.**

**A lot of positive feedback for this story already! It makes this writer's heart swell. Thank you for all of the reviews and alerts. They mean so much to me :) **

**I've overestimated the free time I will have this summer, obviously. I've been running around constantly since I've gotten home and now with work about to start, I'll have even less time, though I will not be working as much as I did last summer (a blessing and a curse). **

**For those who care, I do have exciting personal news! (If you are just here for the story, feel free to scroll down :) no hard feelings haha) As some of you know, I'm an art major, and I have gotten myself a commission job for illustrating custom children's books. I am officially apart of this companies creative team, and if a customer selects my style from the other artists (there are four of us right now, but there may be more to join), I will be paid as a working artist for all of the art in the book. I'm pretty thrilled, having submitted work on a whim when the call for submissions reached me via the art undergraduates' list serv for my school email, so I am stoked! It's not a steady job by any means, but it makes me feel like this whole art thing was not a mistake, and that I was right to follow the path I wanted with my art. Just makes me feel like my art is actually worth something. Of course, that means less time for writing…but I am trying my best to stick with two weeks (failed this time, but hopefully it will be two weeks tops from here on out), hoping that these chapters will come out much sooner than that though! **

**But enough of my chitchat, we've got a chapter to get to. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own my plot idea…yep. That's it.**

**Chapter 3**

It's strange, waking up and not knowing…anything.

At first, it was as if there were thoughts and memories floating just out of reach, as if they were hidden by a blanket and just needed to be uncovered. Or maybe it was more like when you wake up from a dream, where the images are _right there_ but as soon as your attention is turned towards them, trying to grapple with them, they disappear like smoke through your fingers. But Renji knew this wasn't a dream. He was awake. And his memories were gone.

Not a shred of memory was left, and Renji couldn't figure out why this had happened. Hell, he didn't even know who he was, besides a name. Even that was a toss-up at first. It was the only word he remembered. _Renji._ Almost a whisper as it floated through his mind. It wasn't his voice though. If he had to place it, he would say it was the dark-haired girl who had stormed into his room earlier, though he did not know why it was her voice that he clung to in his confusion.

But it was his name, he was sure of it. It was what the woman with the braid had called him as well. Since these people seemed to be the only one who knew anything about him, he would accept it as his own, holding it tightly as the only thing he knew of his past.

That woman, whose touch had been gentle as she checked him over, had said his memories had been wiped away in some sort of accident, though he had yet to hear any further explanation. He was being left in the dark, though that wasn't too hard to do giving the circumstances. It was frustrating, but he couldn't do anything about it.

At the moment, he would have to go on instinct alone, though he was already questioning how good that would do. Earlier he had reacted poorly to the dark-haired girl rushing in, caught by surprise when she had moved towards him in such a fast manner. It was a reflex, something anybody would do with a stranger, but she had known him. He imagined that his actions had hurt her. She hadn't meant any harm in her excitement, and he felt slightly guilty for how he had tried to put distance between them. He vowed to be a little more welcoming the next time. After all, how else was he supposed to remember who he was if he kept pushing people away?

A knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see a man poking his head in. He didn't recognize him, but that wasn't a surprise. Though he figured the shock of orange hair would have been a dead giveaway any other day.

Renji watched as the orange-haired boy sat down, moving slow as he pulled up a chair and came to stop at the foot of his bed. The stranger was watching him, as if expecting him to bolt at any moment. As if he could if he wanted too. He was still too sore to really move, though he did stiffen up a little as the man leaned forward.

Damn it, he was trying to be more relaxed. But he was still reacting on instinct, and every fiber of his being was telling him to be careful, not just around this man, but around everyone.

The man stared for a tense moment before clearing his throat. "You, uh…you don't remember me, do you?"

Renji shook his head, irritated with himself and regretting the answer as the boy's face fell further, though to his credit, the visitor hid it well. Renji could feel his frustration growing, knowing this was yet another person who knew him who didn't resonate within his empty mind. He looked down at the blanket they had covered him in, glaring at the object as if it was to blame.

"I'm sorry," Renji offered, though he felt silly saying the words. The other man shrugged it off easy enough, shaking his head at the redhead's apology.

"Not like you did it on purpose," he said rather bluntly, before adding to his words. "But for the record, I'm Ichigo."

_Strawberry? _Renji had the overwhelming urge to laugh, though he held it in. Well, the hair certainly fit the bill. And what crazy hair it was. Bright orange spikes stuck out in every direction, wild and untamed.

He must have made a face at the name, because Ichigo snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. But I'm not a strawberry. It means 'to protect one thing', too, according to my dad, though you tend to call me Strawberry as a joke. And I call you Pinapple, so I guess that makes us even."

"Pinapple?"

"You're hair style," Ichigo replied with a wicked grin, gesturing with his hand to the bright mane of hair that sat upon Renji's head. "You usually keep it in a ponytail and it looks a lot like a Pineapple."

Renji found himself laughing softly at his words as he reached up absentmindedly, touching the crimson strands that hung loosely over his shoulders. He didn't question Ichigo's authenticity. Something about this boy screamed honesty, even if it was brutal honesty. He already liked this guy.

Maybe they were close friends? It would explain the teasing nicknames. Renji could feel the familiar tickle of something in his mind, begging to be lit up and explored, but it was just out of his reach. Focusing all of his energy, the redhead attempted to reveal any shred of information about the man. To his dismay, it only resulted in calling forth a sharp ache in his temple. A hiss left his lips as pain hit behind his eyes, his hand shooting up to smooth the skin of his forehead.

"You okay?"

Renji peeked from beneath his hand to see Ichigo had leaned forward, a worried expression etched into his features. He was…touched that this person seemed so invested in his health, though it made him feel like a shitty person for not knowing who he was in return. Slightly embarrassed, he nodded.

"Yeah. Just a headache."

Ichigo nodded, scratching his chin in thought. "Yeah, it'll be like that for a while I imagine. You'll probably be prone to migraines for a while."

Renji couldn't help but think of how the boy looked wise beyond his years in that moment. He had taken on an entirely different look, one much more professional. It reminded him of the woman who had addressed him when he awoke.

"You work here with that woman with the braid?" he guessed before he could stop himself.

Ichigo chuckled at the words, giving a lazy shake of his head. "Unohana? Not quite. I intend to be a doctor, though it is different that the healers here." At the questioning glance, Ichigo waved off the redhead. "It's a lot to explain, and I doubt I'm the right person to do it. Besides, Rukia would know more than I do, and she's coming by later, so I'll let her handle it."

Rukia. The dark-haired girl from before.

Though he was slightly embarrassed to admit it, the girl was beautiful. He blamed his instincts – a common trend at the moment, seeing as he had little else to go on – as attraction was an automatic thing, but it felt strange to have this be the first thought he had about her, besides the initial shock of her rushing towards him. But he couldn't help it. With her short, dark hair that fell to just above her shoulders, her milky, pale skin that seemed to glow from the inside out, and those brilliant violet eyes framed by long, black lashes, the woman was a vision.

"Rukia is coming here?" Renji asked, watching as Ichigo's eyes shined with surprise. It was the first time he had used the girl's name, yet it sounded right on his tongue, as if his mouth remembered the sensation of saying the name. With little hesitation, Ichigo nodded.

"Yeah, she will come in sometime after I leave."

Renji nodded, looking down at the blanket once more, slightly ashamed by his lack of knowledge but too stubborn to admit it. "She said we were friends. That we grew up together?"

"You did. You're pretty close." Ichigo was watching him with curiosity, and Renji felt himself fidget under the scrutiny.

It was weird to think about. She was really his friend? Why? She seemed to be at such a higher standing than him, as if the need to recognize the gap in their class was ingrained in his brain. He felt something close to inferior to her, as if he didn't deserve to speak to the girl, let alone be her friend. But there was something else there too besides feeling inferior. He figured that attraction he felt would have been there in his past as well. He wondered if she had rejected him at some point. Is that why he felt so small in standing compared to her? Or was there something else that pushed him to feel this way?

"She's a beautiful girl," Renji muttered without really thinking, more to fill the silence than anything else. But as the realization of what he said sunk in he looked up, horrified that he had opened his mouth. At the accidental admission, Ichigo grinned. The smile was full of amusement, almost knowing. In his panic, Renji continued talking, trying to justify the comment. "I…I just don't see why she'd want to visit me after I nearly ran from her the first time she came in."

"You tried to run?" Ichigo commented with surprise. It was obviously the first time he had heard what had happened.

"Well, not exactly run. I just freaked out a little when she tried to come near me," Renji responded quietly.

"No wonder she looked so upset," Ichigo muttered under his breath, shaking his head.

"I didn't mean to upset her," Renji spoke defensively. "She came rushing in here, and I didn't know her, or at least I don't right now. What was I supposed to do?"

"I'm not blaming you, idiot," Ichigo snapped right back. "It was just an observation."

"Well, still," Renji barked, leaning his head back against the pillows and scrubbing his face with his hands. "I didn't mean it."

"I know you didn't," Ichigo replied after a moment. It was quiet for a little bit, before Renji found the courage to speak once more.

"Anyways, she probably hates me now." Renji chuckled, though he didn't think it was funny. Nervous laughter, he supposed. "Probably for the best. A pretty girl like her doesn't need to be caught up in this mess."

"That pretty girl would kick your ass for suggesting something like that," Ichigo said with a firm tone that left no doubt in Renji's mind that what he said was the truth. "And she doesn't hate you. Far from it. So go ahead and get that self-deprecating shit out of the way. I've heard it all before, and I know Rukia has to."

Renji eyed the boy with curiosity. There was something there, something in those words. He should know what it was, but he couldn't grasp it. "What do you mean?"

Ichigo hesitated, trying to think of what to say. "I don't think it is my place to tell you that. You can ask Rukia. She knows better than I do."

There it was again, that hidden meaning in the words as Ichigo once again referred him on to Rukia for answers. It killed Renji that he was left out, but he could see he wasn't getting anything out of the man. He'd let it go for now. With a sigh, he shook his head. "I still think she'll be mad at me."

Ichigo laughed at that, and Renji raised his eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Ichigo answered with a smile that clearly showed that his response was a lie. Renji's eyes narrowed at the faux innocence. He may have lost his memory, but he wasn't stupid.

"Tell me."

The orange-haired man laughed once more, but gave a shrug of defeat. "Even without your memory you have a crush on her," Ichigo replied, his voice nonchalant but his eyes sparkling with mirth.

"What?!" Renji barked, staring wide-eyed at the orange-haired man. "I–I do not!"

"Whoa, slow down, it's cool. It's not like I'm going to go scream it from the rooftops or anything. I kept your secret before, I can keep it now." Ichigo held his hands up in a surrendering gesture, as if to emphasis he didn't mean any harm from the comment, but he never lost that grin.

Renji watched him for a moment longer before scowling down at his lap. Great. Another thing to hold over his head. But he believed Ichigo. He didn't seem like the kind to go spilling secrets. Ichigo chuckled softly at the redhead, pointing a finger at the redhead in mock warning. "But when you get your memories back and remember how much you like her, you better tell her, or I will lock you in a room with her and keep you there until one of you fesses up. It's getting freakin' annoying to watch you two dance around the subject."

…_when you get your memories back…_

Renji stared at the man in awe. He had said "when", not "if". He had no doubts in his mind that what Renji lacked would be returned, and something in that simple determination pulled a smile from the redhead.

"You've got yourself a deal," Renji replied, a chuckle rumbling from his chest. He didn't know if he should agree to such a thing, seeing as he still had no clue about his life or his friendship with the girl, but the answer slipped easily from his lips. Ichigo laughed with him before his smile faltered. Standing slowly and stretching his arms above his head, he looked at the door with a look that could have been distain.

"I better head out," he muttered, shooting a smirk at Renji. "I've got a hollow to hunt."

Renji had no idea what a hollow was, but whatever it was, he'd hate to be it right now. Ichigo's eyes had darkened, a barely contained anger mixed with determination swirling in the brown color, though the smirk remained on his features. He turned to leave, and Renji found himself hoping the man would stay.

"Hey Strawberry?"

Ichigo paused at the door, looking over his shoulder in surprise at the nickname. Renji cleared his throat, asking the question that still burned in the forefront of his mind.

"What happened to me?"

Ichigo looked away, gathering his thoughts, before returning his attention to the redhead. "I can't tell you much, but I can tell you this. No matter what, we are going to get your memories back."

Again, his question was ignored. But Ichigo's determination was contagious, and Renji found himself smiling at the younger man. "Thanks."

Ichigo smiled warmly back, giving him a nod. "Anytime. You just hang tight, Pineapple. We'll get you fixed up." With that, he left, a hand thrown up in a wave as orange hair disappeared through the door and left the room empty once again.

X

Rukia placed her head against the cool wood of the door, her eyes closed as she focused on her breathing. The irony of the situation was not lost on her. Here she was, standing in front of Renji's room with the ability and permission to walk right in, and now that she had that freedom she couldn't uproot from her spot. She had been in that position for ten minutes, ever since Ichigo had left the room, and still she couldn't calm down. Each inhale brought more worries, and each exhale justified her guilt. All combined together, she had nearly given into hyperventilation twice.

Breathe in.

_He could die._

Breathe out.

_It is my fault._

Frankly, she was starting to agree more and more with the self-condemning voice in her head. It _was_ her fault. If she had remained quiet, not drawn attention to herself, maybe he would not have been injured. If she had not distracted them, maybe Renji would have killed the hollow before it saw her as a target. If she had listened, maybe he would be okay. But he was injured, and the hollow had not been killed, and he was not okay.

If she could go back and do it again, she'd listen to the man when he told her to stay down. But her pride, her _stupid_ pride pushed her on, and for what? To say she hadn't been beaten? What good does that do if it kills Renji in the process?

_No. It didn't kill him. He's not dead._ Her mind repeated the words, but each time the foreboding need to add another word to that statement filled her heart with dread and sent her into another round of hysterics.

No, Renji was not dead. And her mind whispered _"yet"._

Byakuya had left a little after the meeting, saying he would return later. As he left, it was as if Rukia could feel the wall being built between him. Though he had spoken to her, it felt distracted, distant, and she couldn't shake the feeling that he was angry with her. It was the only explanation that made sense in her mind. She had blatantly disregarded an order that may have cost him his Lieutenant. It was beyond dishonorable, and for her brother who held honor at such a high standard what she did was practically unforgivable. He had every right to be angry, every right to blame her for Renji's injuries. She was scum. Worthless. Or at least that was how she felt.

Breathe in.

_Nii-sama blames me._

Breathe out.

_I deserve it._

Ignoring the burn of tears forming behind her eyes, Rukia pushed off of the door. She didn't have much time. If she wanted to speak with Renji, she had to do it now before Unohana stopped the visiting hours. She had to be composed. If not, she wouldn't make it through the door without breaking down at the sight of him.

Her fingers trembled as she reached to open the door, stepping inside quietly. Looking up, she saw the redhead alert and watching her. It was Renji, yet it wasn't. It took everything in her not to run, to force herself to remain calm. She stayed in her spot by the door, eyes raking over the form of her best friend.

"Hello," she greeted stiffly. What do you say to someone you've known forever who doesn't know you? What do you say to someone who had reacted to you in fear?

"Hey," he replied, the silence stretching for a moment more before her nodded to the chair by his bed. "You can sit, if you want." He threw in a small smile for good measure, and it was enough to spur her into action.

Without a word, Rukia crossed the floor and took the offered chair, careful not to touch the bed or its occupant as she sat. Meeting his eyes, she saw that he was nervous. Of course he was. After their first meeting – God, was there a better term to describe the few treacherous moments spent between them after he had woken up? – she would be surprised if he wasn't wary of her. She wished he could reach out to him, comfort him. But this Renji wouldn't respond well to that, and she was afraid to push him too far. So instead, she curled her fingers into the fabric of her hakama, intending to keep them there until the urge to reach out to him passed.

"I'm sorry," she started, glancing down at her lap as she spoke, "for how I acted earlier. I did not realize the situation."

"'S okay. I'm sorry for responding…like that," Renji answered with a sweeping hand to indicate the words he couldn't get out, averting his gaze when she looked up. He didn't need to elaborate to get his meaning across.

"I get it, though," she continued. She wasn't going to let him take any blame in that encounter. She should have listened to Isane and followed orders. It wasn't the first time she had been too caught up in her own emotions to ignore authority. It seemed to be biting her in the ass more often than not, recently. "I would've been scared too."

"I wasn't scared," he instantly responded, and Rukia smiled a little. That definitely sounded like the Renji she knew. "I was just surprised."

"Well, still. It is understandable," she assured him, finally meeting his eyes with a smile. He returned it, but it didn't last long, the smile melting into a frown.

He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with what he was about to say, but determined to say it anyway. "It sucks though." His brow furrowed, a hand pressed to his temple as he continued. "You said we are friends. I feel like I should know you, and you obviously know me, but I can't…"

He trailed off, shaking his head. "I just want to remember."

Rukia's heart went out to him, twisting painfully in her chest as she watched him. He noticed the look and snorted, shaking his head as he looked anywhere but her eyes. "I don't want your pity," he muttered, frustration growing in his expression. "I may not remember everything, but I know I don't want to be seen as a charity case."

"I don't pity you," she spoke quickly, shaking her head in emphasis when he allowed his eyes to meet hers. "And you are certainly not charity."

"Then what am I?" he challenged. Stubborn, just like always.

"My friend," she answered immediately, though she didn't know if that term was entirely correct. She had said it so many times that it was her default answer, but she knew there was something more, something much greater than friendship. Though she felt it in her heart, she knew she couldn't tell him. Not now, when he didn't even know her. "And I promise we are going to get your memories back. Soon." She didn't add that they had no choice in that matter. It was soon or not at all, and the latter was not an option.

Renji took in her answer with a slight nod, eyes searching her face for any inkling of a lie. Satisfied with the answer, he sighed. "I guess you won't tell me what happened to me, either?" he asked, already accepting that she wouldn't tell him anything. "No one around here seems willing to fill me in."

"You've just woken up," she reminded him, feeling the guilt swelling in her gut. She was avoiding the subject, but she wasn't keen on the idea of being the one to send him into shock with an overload of information. Unohana had ordered them to tread lightly today. "Any information withheld is only so you aren't overwhelmed."

"I'm already overwhelmed," he muttered under his breath, and she chuckled at his impatience.

"Well, when you are feeling better, I'll tell you," she promised, knowing it wasn't much to appease him, but it was better than ignoring his question. She was sure he was frustrated with the lack of information, but it was for his own good. But seeing as it was her fault, she felt it was her duty to tell him the full story when he was ready.

"I'll hold you to that," he chuckled, giving her a lopsided grin. She smirked at the teasing nature, before clearing her throat.

"Tomorrow, if I could manage to arrange it, would you want to walk with me? I was hoping something in the area would offer some spark for your memory." The words left her easily enough, but she was shaking on the inside. He had no reason to trust her beyond their past, which he couldn't remember, but she found herself willing him to accept the offer. It would do some good to get out of the Fourth and try to stir up some of his past. She had already come up with a list of places for them to visit if he answered favorably, and it would be better than sitting in a hospital room with nothing to do but wait. She wanted to fix what she had done.

Renji thought for only a moment before a small smile dominated his face. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Great. I'll talk to Unohana-Taichou in the morning and see what she says." She knew the woman would agree, given the limited time they have. With one swift motion, she stood.

"You're leaving?" he asked, his eyes following her movements.

"Yes," she confirmed with a nod. "You need your rest, and my brother has promised to visit you as well. I should not tire you out before he gets a change to speak with you."

She did want to stay, but she didn't want to push him too far. He had only just woken up, and she would never forgive herself if she sent him into another fit. She had to take baby steps, even if that meant only spending a few minutes with him. "During our walk tomorrow I can try to answer any question you have, if you want." Looking up, she nearly blushed at the intensity of his gaze. He was watching her closely, trying to decipher something within his mind.

"Thank you," he said softly, another smile crossing his face. Looking at the smile, she almost got lost. It was _his _smile, the first one that hadn't been timid or hesitant since he had woken up. The expression screamed _Renji_, and if she tried she could almost believe that everything was okay, that he was just resting after a tough mission. But the dull ache in her chest reminded her that it was not as it seemed. Renji's life was in danger, and once again the voice in her head screamed it was her doing. The burn behind her eyes told her of the emotion that threatened to spill. She couldn't let him see her like this. She had to leave.

She nodded once, a short quirk of the lips the only smile she could return as she turned quickly on her heel and tried her best to walk normally to the door, though her legs shook with every step. He didn't call out, but she could feel his eyes watching her, and she could practically feel the gaze peering into her heart and seeing the emotion she desperately wished to hide. As the door slid closed behind her, putting the barrier back between them, the same one that she had fought against as she waited for him to awake, she nearly lost it.

A week. She had only a week. Could they find the hollow and retrieve the venom needed to make an antidote in such a short amount of time? Ichigo was confident, but she was having trouble being so optimistic. She could hear the old Renji now, calling her a worrywart and saying she was always so negative, just like in the game they liked to play. But unlike the game, an answer wasn't so easy to come up with in this unfortunate situation.

She shut her eyes as her lungs constricted in her chest painfully, a delicate hand coming up to lie over her heart as if the presence of that hand would relieve the pressure that had built there.

Rukia was aware that she was walking, though she didn't know where to. She just blindly followed her feet, allowing them to lead her further away from Renji's room. She barely made it inside the Manor before it became too much. She was lucky that no one seemed to be around to see it, the servants either preoccupied with some other tasks or allowing her to have her privacy. Either way, she was thankful for the quiet.

Supporting her weight by pressing her back against the wall, Rukia bit back the cry that tried to escape her lips. Tears, no longer held back, slipped from underneath her lashes to leave hot trails down her paled cheeks. She had fought them for too long and now there was nothing to keep them from leaving her. Sobs rocked her body as she slid to the ground, landing with a quiet thump against the wooden floor. She brought her knees up to her chest as she wrapped both arms tightly around herself, lowering her head to be cradled into the crook of her elbow, efficiently blocking out the world as she finally gave into her grief.

X

Further down the hall, Byakuya stood silently, suppressing his energy to little more than a hum as he watched his adopted sister's pain spill over. He had felt her approaching the Manor, and had been intending to meet her at the door to ask how her visit with Renji had gone, but upon seeing her break he had stopped.

He had wondered how long she would be able to hold herself together. Her emotions were all but tangible in Unohana-Taichou's meeting, threatening to break the wall at any time. Judging by her actions, she had just barely made it back to the Kuchiki Manor before losing what little control she had left.

She was hurting badly from this, no doubt consumed by the guilt she felt. It was true that it was Rukia whom Renji had sacrificed himself for, but Renji was fully capable of making his own decisions. He had acted quickly and it had ended badly for him, though he had saved Rukia in the process. Byakuya couldn't thank his Lieutenant enough for his sacrifice, though now he wished it had been more forgiving in its taking. The Sixth could lose a valuable asset, their second in command, a comrade, a friend, but Rukia was losing something far more than that.

Byakuya was not blind to his sister's feelings, nor was he able to ignore Renji's. They may have avoided their emotions, but he had seen it long before they had recognized it themselves. And now Rukia was dealing with the pain of losing a person she loves.

He had seen her grapple with this pain once before, when she had been forced to kill her former Lieutenant Kaien Shiba. That had been bad enough, and she had known her love would never be recognized with that man, as he had been happily married. But Renji was not Kaien, and her feelings for the redhead were different. This was far worse, in Byakuya's opinion.

Byakuya had experienced the same pain many years ago, after losing Hisana. Even after so many years, the thought of his late wife was enough to have his emotions falter, his heart consumed with the agony of losing her. It was something he would never wish upon anyone else, knowing the sheer amount of grief he had experienced himself that still haunted him from time to time, but now he was watching Rukia deal with it. Though Renji was not dead, the outcome looked grim.

As he turned, intent on leaving through another exit and allowing the girl her privacy as he visited his Lieutenant, Byakuya found his mind turning to Kurosaki. The human boy was confident as he had departed for Karakura Town, determined to bring that hollow's venom and news of its death with him when he returned to the Soul Society. He feverishly hoped the boy's optimism was not wasted.

**Woah, lots of emotion in this one. Rest assured, the next chapter should be a little less depressing, though Renji is not out of the woods yet. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**

**Much love, **

**Meg**


	4. Chapter 4

**I find myself apologizing to you, the readers, far too often nowadays. I mean, I just disappear, swamped in the ever changing work load and swept away to impromptu beach trips where internet is only a myth, apparently. Work is coming to an end, school begins on the 20****th****, and everything I do seems to be geared towards preparing for it. But here is another update!**

**Big shout out to xfang-girlx for giving me an idea I could run with in this chapter! You'll know what part I'm talking about, girl, and I hope it lives up to expectations :) **

**Oh, a little heads up. I will be referring to District 78 of the Rukon District (or the Rukongai) as Hanging Dog. Some of you probably know it better as Inuzuri, but…I'm just partial to the name and felt the need to keep using it as not to confuse myself in writing. **

**And a HUGE thank you for the reviews thus far in this story! It really makes my heart swell, y'all. But enough of the stalling. Let's get to it!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Do I have to say it? I own nothing but the plot. Bleach is not mine, nor will it ever be mine (unless Kubo suddenly decides I am meant to be his right-hand, I'm out of luck in owning such a great story).**

**Chapter 4**

Retsu Unohana sighed heavily as she passed through the door of her office, her eyes flicking to the two occupants. She knew they would be here. After all, she had called them in for this meeting. Right now, though, she almost wished she had chosen a different room. Her office seemed to hold a lingering tension from the meeting earlier that day, and the woman knew it would only continue to get worse.

It was well into the early hours of morning now. She rarely called a meeting at this late hour, but given the circumstances, she felt they couldn't afford to wait. Renji certainly couldn't afford a moment's delay.

"Hello Mayuri, Kisuke," she greeted, her eyes flicking to their faces as she said their names.

Both men stood as she entered, slight bows of their heads to the woman serving as their greeting.

"It's been a while, Retsu," came the sing-song voice of Kisuke Urahara. The man hadn't changed much, it seemed. He had the same playful tone of voice, but now with a hardened look in his eyes that spoke of intelligence. The Fourth's Captain could just barely see his eyes from beneath the brim of his hat, a quiet smile on his face that was more calculating than joyful.

"Yes, it has been." Her eyes found the other occupant's gaze when he cleared his throat.

"I must say I am intrigued. It is very rare that you call a meeting this late, Retsu, and with Kisuke's presence requested as well, I can only imagine we are in for some excitement." The painted Captain rubbed his hands subconsciously, a habit Retsu recognized as one that the man resorted to when his interest was piqued. She ignored the choice of word he used, feeling that "excitement" was borderline inappropriate but knowing no matter what she said to show him this error he would not hear her advice. Mayuri had always been a little different when it came to his ideas of entertainment.

"Yes, well, we certainly have our work cut out for us gentlemen," the woman said as she moved to sit behind her desk, the men following her lead and returning to their seats in front of her. Pushing the file forward, she brought her eyes up to watch their reaction to what she would say next. "I'm unsure of what details you know, so I will state everything we are up against and then answer any questions you have. Arbarai-Fukutaichou has been victim to a hollow's poison. It has attacked his medial temporal lobe and will soon spread. According to my data, he had only a week at best unless we can find an antidote to reverse the effects."

Kisuke hadn't flinched, his smile still in place as he took in her words. Retsu was sure Ichigo had already contacted the man, and even if he didn't, Kisuke rarely missed anything that happened in Karakura Town.

Regardless of his knowledge or the mask that he hid his emotions behind, his eyes betrayed his worry. She knew Kisuke was rather fond of the tattooed Lieutenant he called "freeloader", and this was sure to be unsettling to him. Mayuri, on the other hand, was new to the information on Renji's health, only having been informed of the hollow's attack and Ichigo's account. He smirked at the challenge presented, the full grin glistening in the low lighting of the room.

"Oh my. That does not leave much time to work with," the man commented, glancing over the file marked with Renji's name before passing it to Kisuke. "Not much time at all." Kisuke ignored the words and studied the file thoroughly, his face becoming grimmer with each passing minute.

"Side effects?" the blonde asked, eyes never leaving the page.

"Memory loss. He has also been complaining of headaches. His body and its functions are normal for now. The venom has been difficult to decipher." Retsu had been hard pressed to get a usable sample of the poison from the blood sample they had taken, but even the amount they obtained was to fickle, not cooperating with their tests to develop a cure. They would need a clean, pure sample of the venom to work from.

"Has the hollow been found?" Kisuke continued, Retsu already seeing the logic his mind was following. He had come to the same conclusion as she had with obtaining the venom.

"Not yet, but Kurosaki has taken it upon himself to find it and bring us back a sample of the venom. It was last seen in Karakura Town, after all." Kisuke nodded, looking back to the file.

"He had mentioned the quills the hollow used when I had questioned him earlier," Mayuri added, "Rather nasty weapon. He must be extremely careful to get the venom we need, less we find ourselves with two amnesiacs." Though the smirk was still there, there was a hardness in his gaze that suggested the Captain was not as crazy as he looked. A very small suggestion, but a suggestion none the less.

"Yes, he is aware of the danger. But this is Kurosaki we are talking about," Unohana stated. The thought of how determined the boy had been upon leaving brought a smile to the woman's face. The young man was certainly one of a kind.

Kisuke chuckled at the words, though the worry was still present in his face. "Ichigo is a rare breed. Stubborn, but with a heart of gold and the persistence of an army." He pulled his hat lower, covering his eyes as his head bowed in respect to the woman who sat across from him. "I will do all I can to help, provided Mayuri is alright with me working alongside him in the research department."

Mayuri grumbled at that. He had always been very stingy with his lab equipment, but seeing as Kisuke founded the department and headed the Division in the past, he couldn't very well refuse. Besides, Retsu knew the only reason Kisuke asked was to get under the other Captain's skin, something Kisuke excelled in. With a dramatic sigh, Mayuri mumbled his approval, earning a smirk from the blonde man.

"We can begin the preparations of the antidote as we await a sample," Mayuri commented, plucking the folder up to scan through it once more. "Would Abarai-san be willing to subject himself to more tests? To better understand the effects of the poison, of course." Retsu stiffened at the question. She had never agreed with Mayuri's methods of testing. He was a brilliant scientist, one that helped the Soul Society gain a substantial amount of ground in research, but that didn't mean he was gentle by any means. The words dripped with a sense of excitement, one that Retsu was sure would put the ailing redhead through a lot of pain. She opened her mouth to state her polite yet firm disapproval, but Kisuke spoke up before she could answer.

"Ah, but the effects are all in here," Kisuke said with a gesture to the folder clutched in Mayuri's hand, a smile rested on his face that looked less than friendly. "Retsu had done an excellent job of being extremely thorough in her gathering of data. Any other tests might wear Renji's body down, possibly accelerating the effects of the poison. We don't want that, do we?"

Mayuri glared at the blonde before shaking his head. "No, we do not want to harm him further." The words were said slowly, as if each word was a struggle to get out. He hated being restrained in his research, but with Renji as the test subject, Retsu knew Kisuke would keep him in line. Kisuke was correct. Any more testing would only add stress to Renji's body, and could send his health spiraling down. Further testing on the redhead would be a last resort.

"Thank you both for agreeing to help," the woman said as she stood, a gently smile on her face. "You may take that folder if you need, as I have already made a copy. As you work, my team will continue to monitor Abarai's process, and look for additional side effects along the way. Please keep me updated with your progress."

Both men stood, bowing their heads slightly as Retsu took her leave, her braid flowing gently as she walked. It had been a long night, and she could do nothing else at the moment to help Renji's situation. Without the serum, the only thing she could do was make him comfortable and hope the two men she had called in for help could find a way to break the poison's grip on his mind.

X

Ichigo did his best to focus on the discussion at hand. He really did. But at the moment, he knew his emotions were getting the best of him, and the complete exhaustion that he felt did not make things any easier. He hadn't slept any the night before, but he hadn't exactly tried to shut his eyes either. He had gone out looking for the hollow as he had promised, only to come up empty handed. That fact had Ichigo nearly beside himself in his frustration.

Renji only had a week. Six days, actually, now that the first night had been replaced by the morning sun. And Ichigo still had yet to even _sense _the hollow that had done this to his friend.

He had called Uryuu and Chad the minute he was back in town, recruiting them for the hunt, and Orihime had practically demanded she went with them. She hadn't yelled, but she certainly hadn't backed down when it was suggested that she stay behind. In the sweetest possible way, she had told them to shove it. She refused to sit this one out. Not that Ichigo really expected her too. She cared too much about Renji to stay home while they searched for a way to save him.

But none of them had found a shred of the damn thing last night.

Ichigo forced himself to sip the cup of coffee Orihime had made. He wasn't much of a coffee drinker, even when it was doused with milk and sugar to hide the strong flavor, but it became apparent that he'd need it if he wanted to stay awake. He had already nearly fallen out of his chair twice in the hour he had spent sitting at the kitchen table of his home, discussing strategy with the group. He had a headache, and it was only getting worse as he pushed his body to stay alert and active. At this rate, coffee wouldn't be enough.

"We'll have to double our efforts," Uryuu stated calmly, accepting his own cup of coffee as Orihime finished handing the warm drinks out. She settled next to Ichigo, listening attentively as the Quincy spoke. "We covered a lot of ground last night, but it doesn't do much good if we can't find the hollow."

"It's a young one," Ichigo added as he looked up. "Hopefully, it sticks to this area for a while."

Chad nodded silently, nearly draining his cup of black coffee as he listened. Orihime picked at the toast she had made for herself, but never really tried eating. She, like the rest of them, didn't have much of an appetite.

"I haven't sense anything, let alone a hollow," Uryuu muttered, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Is there a way to lure it out?" Ichigo asked, swirling the warm liquid in the mug between his hands. "You had hollow bait that one time." He remembered that "competition" they had created back when they hardly knew one another. He didn't like the idea of luring the hollows out with bait, creating danger when there was no need, but at the moment he was willing to try just about anything if it meant getting that venom.

Ishida seemed to recognize the desperation in Ichigo's question and slowly shook his head. "Yes, and you opposed the idea of using it that time, much as I do now," the dark-haired man admitted, sipping his drink. "It got out of hand rather quickly last time, and the last thing we need is for the hollow to hurt anyone else because we have our hands full with others. But, we can keep that as a last resort."

Ichigo nodded, knowing he was right. Still, it didn't make him feel any better. His impatience was starting to mess with his mind. Reluctantly he took another sip of coffee, wrinkling his nose at the taste.

"We could do day shifts," Orihime piped up, looking around the table. Her eyes lingered on Ichigo, as if knowing her next words would not sit well with him, but she spoke anyway. "It won't do Renji any good if we are exhausted when we finally find the hollow. We could rotate two at a time. I had a few hours of sleep last night, so I can be on the day shift."

"I can accompany her," Chad spoke, his eyes still hidden beneath the fringe of curly hair.

"I think it would be best if you and Uryuu get some rest," Orihime added to Ichigo, reaching out to touch his arm lightly. It was a gesture meant to comfort him, but with his mindset he barely felt it. "You two were up the longest, and covered the most ground."

"I don't need it. I feel wide awake," Ichigo insisted, giving the girl a weak smile that didn't fool anyone.

"You really think we'd believe that?" Ishida chimed in with a small smirk. "You're practically falling asleep in your seat."

"Am not," Ichigo fired back, his voice a little harsher than intended. "I'm not going to sleep away the day when there is a hollow to find."

"Ichigo," Orihime said softly, shaking her head. "You can't find it if you're tired. You haven't slept since you got back from the Soul Society. You need to rest, if only for a few hours."

Chad grunted in approval, lifting his head to look at his orange-haired friend. "If you sleep now, you'll be ready for the shift at night."

"And you'll need the sleep if you want to keep up with me," Ishida said, the challenge clear in his voice. "We can both rest up and be ready at sunset."

Ichigo glanced around to his friends, watching as Orihime gave him an understanding smile. She knew how he felt about this. He wanted to find to hollow now. Sleeping, as necessary as it was, felt like admitting defeat to him. Renji didn't have a lot of time, and Ichigo didn't want to waste it on what felt like selfish needs. But the others were right. He would only make things worse if he ran himself into the ground.

But even if they were right, it didn't mean that he had to be happy about it.

Before he could protest further, Orihime squeezed his arm gently. "Go and sleep. If we sense anything at all, we will wake you up." She accompanied the words with a small smile full of reassurance, and Ichigo felt his mind accept the words.

With a quiet nod, he stood, moving towards the stairs that led to his room. He'd try. He'd try to get at least a little bit of sleep, so that when he finally caught the stupid hollow he'd had no reason to hold back from killing the ugly little shit.

X

Renji learned there was nothing quite as frustrating as the nagging feeling that you were forgetting something. It was more than a feeling, in this case. He _was_ forgetting something. His entire life was gone from his mind, and he just could not shake the sensation of having those memories literally within reach but unable to be held.

Rukia, as promised, had shown up to his room early that morning. He had just been awake for maybe an hour, finishing up the sorry excuse of a breakfast that the woman with the braid had shown up with. Unohana, he reminded himself, was his main caregiver it seemed. But she had happily given him over to the shorter woman when she arrived, gliding out of the room as she spoke of other patients needing her assistance. Unohana was cheerful, but he sensed there was something more to her than met the eye, particularly in the look she had given him when he tried to refuse his breakfast. Upon seeing that, he had happily eaten the bland food.

Rukia had ushered him out of the room, chatting about the places they would visit today. Though she kept a smile in place, she seemed…reserved. It was as if she was guarded, not that he really blamed her. He figured she still wasn't over the whole incident of their first meeting yesterday, and truth be told, he kind of enjoyed the silence. It was comfortable, and it gave him a chance to rack his brain for any information.

But every attempt at that just led to a headache.

Eventually, he gave up, allowing Rukia to lead him. She hadn't said where they were going, and when they arrived at a large gate leading to who knows where, he finally spoke up.

"Um, where exactly are we going?"

"The Rukon District," she answered with a small smile. "It is the outer laying portion of the Soul Society. What you have seen up until now is the Seireitei. I'm taking you to where you grew up, District 78, Hanging Dog."

"Charming name," Renji said with a small grimace.

Rukia laughed lightly at the comment, nodding. "Even more charming in person," she said, the sarcasm dripping from the words. She clarified, looking up at Renji as she spoke. "I'm not going to lie. It is one of the rougher districts. But I'm hoping something within the area will spark some of your memories."

He studied her face as she spoke, noticing the way her eyes had taken on a faraway look. She was remembering something, he realized, and inwardly he felt his thoughts darken. Another thing he had no clue about that held significance to his past. Before he could allow his frustration to overwhelm him, however, she had grabbed his sleeve and tugged him along behind her.

After a few minutes of walking with only silence between them, the dark-haired girl spoke up. "So Nii-sama had said he would visit. Did he meet with you yesterday?"

For a moment, Renji didn't know who she meant. But then he remembered the man that had stopped by after Rukia had left. The man had been distant, cold even, and the conversation had been awkward. He had barely stayed for five minutes, and the only words said between them was an update on his health and a small, unexplained thank you from the older man, an action that Renji had not understood. What had he done to receive a thank you? Yet another thing he was forgetting.

"The man with long black hair?" Renji guessed, earning a nod from the girl.

"His name is Byakuya, but I don't suggest you call him that," she said with a chuckle. "He is the Captain of the Sixth Division, and you are his Lieutenant. You usually call him 'Taichou', or at least you do to his face."

Renji nodded, pretending the information was easily comprehended when in fact it was rather confusing. That man was a Captain? What exactly was the Sixth Division? And what exactly did it mean to be his Lieutenant? It was already giving him a migraine to try and sort the new information out, so he left it alone, vowing to figure it all out later.

"Is he always so…" Renji trailed off, not sure of the right word to use. After all, he was Rukia's brother. He didn't want to offend her. Luckily, she had begun to relax a little more with him on their walk, and didn't seem to mind his questions.

"Cold?" Rukia supplied, giving him a knowing look. "He's always been rather stoic. It comes with the nobility. He has a lot of pressure on him, being the head of the Kuchiki clan. But I promise he is not as bad as he looks. He likes you, though he will probably never show it."

Renji shot the woman such a bewildered look that she laughed. "I'm serious," she assured him, reaching out to touch his arm gently as she leaned towards him, as if the words she spoke next were a huge secret. For all Renji knew, it was a secret, so he bent his head down to listen closely. "He has told me how much he values you as a Lieutenant, though he'd never say it in public."

The redhead found himself smiling at the words despite himself. Though he didn't know the full significance of those words, he felt it was worthy of some pride on his part. "Well, he did thank me when we talked, but I'm not sure what for."

Rukia's eyes widened slightly at the comment, quickly covering her shock with a nod. Renji could see the spark of emotion in the violet color and found himself wondering why a thank you from her brother to him would affect her so strongly, but she quickly steered the conversation away from it.

"He doesn't open up a lot, but he's really a good man," she said while turning her gaze forward, continuing their walk.

"He's different from you," Renji muttered, more to himself than to the girl who led him along the dirt streets. But she heard the words clearly and sent him a questioning look.

"What do you mean?"

Renji rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He hadn't exactly meant to say the words aloud, but now he couldn't avoid the question. "I just meant you're a lot more…friendly compared to him. For nobility, you seem a lot more relaxed."

The raven-haired woman laughed once more, nodding at the words. "Well, I was adopted. Nii-sama had married my sister, and when she died, he found me as a sibling. It was her last request."

The inked man frowned, kicking himself for having brought up painful memories for her. He felt like a complete idiot, stumbling through information and stepping on everyone's toes along the way. "Sorry," he mumbled, shaking his head.

Rukia gave him a small smile. "Don't be. It was a long time ago, and you didn't know."

"But I'm supposed to know," he shot back before he could stop himself. And it was true. If he had grown up with her, been close to her like everyone said, he _knew_ this information, or at least he did at one point. He hated this. He had to relearn his life, the person he was, the friends he had; it didn't seem fair that he had to start from scratch.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Rukia said, nudging him in the side with her elbow. "Sulking isn't going to make those memories come back any faster."

"I'm not sulking," Renji scoffed, earning an eye roll from the girl.

"Looked a lot like sulking to me," she said with a shrug, raising an eyebrow at the taller of the two. It was a challenge, and Renji could almost sense the familiarity of the exchange. He grinned at the feeling, reaching out without much thought to ruffle her hair. The girl immediately protested, shoving his hand away. "Hey! Watch it."

Renji laughed at the whine in her voice, but the laugh abruptly turned to a groan of pain when her foot connected with his shin. He yelped, reaching down to rub the tender area as the girl cackled, running ahead of him.

"That's for messing up my hair," she called, turning to look at him over her shoulder.

"You'd kick an injured man with amnesia?" he shot back, trying his best to seem completely offended but knowing he was smiling.

"You've always been a little sensitive in the head," she answered with a raised eyebrow. The smile on her face oozed playfulness, and Renji found himself smirking at the obvious insult. He was starting to see why they were friends in his past.

"You're going to pay for that," he hollered, straightening up and running towards the girl as she laughed. He chased her through the streets, oblivious to the others they weaved in and out of, watching the two Lieutenants with curious glances and whispered words. The girl laughed as she avoided his reach, dodging when he got close and pushing her legs to run faster. The crowd eventually thinned, houses getting less crowded, revealing a path that ran alongside a river. The surface shone brightly in the sunlight, and Renji could make out a multitude of flower blossoms floating along the surface. Though the display didn't strike him as particularly powerful, it affected Rukia almost immediately.

Her steps faltered, bringing her to a halt in an instant, and Renji couldn't stop soon enough. With a yell of surprise, he collided with her, instinctively wrapping his arms around her and twisting to shield her from the fall as they tumbled into the river's edge. The cool water enveloped them in seconds, and both came up sputtering, coughing up water as they laughed.

Renji sat up in the shallow water, loosening his grip on Rukia as she pushed against his chest. "Didn't know you lost your coordination with your memories," she teased, settling in the water as she caught her breath.

The redhead rolled his eyes, wiping his face as he continued to chuckle. "Says the one who stopped in the middle of the road for no reason."

"I had a reason," she shot back with a wide grin. "I haven't been visited Hanging Dog for a very long time, mostly because of the harsh lifestyle. But even as children, we managed to find the good in the bad. We used to catch fish and play in this river." She looked out at the water, a small smile adorning her lips. "I have forgotten how pretty it can be."

Renji couldn't agree more, but he would be lying if he said he was talking about the water. What captured his attention was the way Rukia's face had softened, acquiring a dreamy appearance. She looked younger, more carefree compared to how she had appeared yesterday. It was like all of her worries had been washed away in the river, leaving a sense of peace. His eyes followed a drop of water as it traveled the length of her pale neck, disappearing into her soaked collar. As they sat, collecting themselves, the flowers that had been disturbed by their tumble returned. She reached down to gently touch the petals of a flower, the white blossom shuddering beneath her fingertips as an innocent smile touched her face, and he couldn't help but think of how beautiful the image was.

The white-hot pain that hit behind his eyes was unexpected.

Renji's hand shot up to grip his skull, feeling as if he didn't hold it together it would split right in two. He's been having headaches since he first woke up yesterday, but this was a different sensation. This was stronger, sharper. He was aware of the groan that worked its way out of his throat, and the way Rukia called his name with concern in her tone, but he couldn't focus on any of that. All he could concentrate on was the flow of information that flooded his brain.

The images came one after another in rapid order, flashing before his eyes before being replaced by another. Running through the street with stolen goods, surrounded by other children and being chased by a vender. Watching a dark-haired girl stick up for a child smaller than her being bullied. Competing in different skills, especially the newly acquired powers that spoke of Shinigami potential. Climbing trees, swimming, fishing. Camps with a close-knit group of kids, his family. The image of a much younger Rukia, smiling as she stood in the river amongst flowers, so similar to the scene he had just witnessed. And lastly, looking over the Soul Society with only Rukia left in the makeshift family, graves at their backs and their futures presented in front of them in the form of the Academy.

Renji's breath came back all at once, forcing its way into his lungs with a sharp gasp that had him coughing harshly against the intrusion. When had he stopped breathing? The pain was fading slowly from his temples, leaving nothing but a dull ache in its wake. Another groan left his lips, more out of relief than pain. The inked man opened his eyes, unsure of when they had closed in the first place, and was met with the sight of the water that he sat in. As his mind settled, Rukia's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Renji! Renji, what happened?" She gripped his shoulder tightly, shaking him gently when he didn't respond. He looked up, and was taken aback by the emotion that overwhelmed him. It was as if it was the first time he was truly seeing her, but at the same time it was like reconnecting with an old friend. As paradoxical as it sounded, his present self seemed to have found a part of his past self and meshed together. But whatever confusion he felt from that sensation was outshined by the intense feeling of happiness and fondness and love – had he always felt this way for her? – he held for the woman in front of him. Whether she knew of his emotions or not didn't matter. What mattered was that he knew of them, that he could remember how he felt for this person that had seemed like a stranger yesterday, only to be revealed as a person of great importance to him. He would question his attachment to her later. Right now he was just happy that he knew her at all.

It wasn't until Rukia shook him again, threatening physical harm if he did not speak soon, that a wide smile broke out on his face. Without saying a word he pulled her to his chest, burying his face into her neck as his arms wrapped around her waist. She was caught off guard by the gesture, but returned the embrace after a second of hesitation. "Renji, what's going on?" she questioned again, unsure of what had him reacting in such a way.

Renji's smile grew in size, a seemingly impossible feat, as he held onto her tightly. "I remember you," he said with a laugh, giddy with his joy. "I remember my childhood here, growing up on the streets. I remember meeting you. I remember our friends. I remember wanting to enter the Academy."

He pulled back, his smile fading ever so slightly. That was all he could make out of his past, his childhood before the Shino Academy. He was still missing so much, but this was a start. He wasn't as empty as he had been yesterday. He had _memories_, things to hold onto for his sanity, to tell him who he was. "They stopped there, before we entered the Academy to become Shinigami, but I remember. _I remember_."

Rukia's look of concern had morphed into one of joy, her smile shining brightly as she looked him over. She didn't speak, either too overwhelmed to do so or unsure of what to say, but she threw her arms around him once more, laughing in her excitement. He gripped the back of her dampened uniform tightly, joining her in the laughter as they hugged.

**Woo, finished with this one! Pulling teeth to write this, I tell you. Not sure why it has become so difficult to sit down and write, but I'm going to have to shake off this writing block thing. It's affecting my fanfiction social life.**

**Hope you all liked this update. Comments always appreciated :)**

**Much love,**

**Meg**


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